Friday, October 31, 2008

something I had to address....


Sometimes I get people saying things like:
"Why do you do that?"
"Its embarrassing?"
"People are gonna laugh at you."
"People are gonna talk shit about you."
"Dont you care what people think about you."

To a certain extent but usually no, I do not care what people think about me.
Its not to say that no one matters, but at the end of the day, its me that I need to look after first.
Im sure we all know this, but we cant make everyone happy.
I used to try to make everyone happy all the time. Id sacrifice my own for others...but I realized...I could never make everyone happy even if and when I tried...and it was me who suffered most from my sacrifices of appeasing people.
So I decided, if I cant make anyone happy, the least I can do is make myself.

Ive decided I dont need to act cool, or hard, or G, or super fashionable or super whatever the fuck. I dont need to put on a front and pretend to be someone Im not around anyone. This is who I am. Ive lived in this body and mind for 23 years. This is me.

If you know me then you know me. And if you dont...*will shrugs

I dont know why people get so bothered and whatever by the people around them. Im referring to people who get easily bothered by the haters and shit talkers. Funny thing is, half the people who talk shit can only mumble their negativity...but they will never say it to your face.
If you do not pay my bills, if you do not feed me, put the roof over my head, the shoes on my feet, contribute to my happiness or care for it...what the hell is your business in my life? Why are you a part of my concern, a part of my thoughts?
Pay no mind.
Understand that these negative people only have one intention, they intend to piss you off, try to make you miserable, put you down. And if you give in, they win.
I never let that shit get to me.

I worked hard to be where I am, anything I have is something I earned, anything I possess is something I deserved, everything I own is something I worked for, anything I will achieve is something I never gave up for.

Dont let the words of a few bad minds put you down.
Dont get lost in this bullshit where you feel that you need to live a certain way, act in a certain manner, look like a certain page in your fave magazine to fit in.
You do not have to conform.
You do not have to be normal.

Just be you, whoever that is. Be honest and true to yourself. You owe yourself at least that.

I try my very best to never get lost with the social constructs and try very hard to not stray.

Its funny, I get a lot of old friends sometimes (and Im referring to no one in particular...because I know some people who are reading this may feel Im referring to just them...its a few of them) coming up to me and saying shit like:

"You dont come around no more huh?"
"You're too big for us nowadays."
"Seems like you got time for everything except us/me."
"You've changed."
"You've forgotten who you are."
"You're a sell out."
"You only fuck with the big folks and u dont deal with us little people no more huh?"

Its not that Ive changed...its that Im moving forward. I cannot stay idle.
Im pushing for progres...yea, maybe I have changed. But what was it about me before that needed to stay?
My loyalty is still there, honesty is still there, friendship is still there, love is still there.
Im still here...but I need to move.
Its like running a race with a partner who doesnt like running.
If you cant keep up, dont run.
And if you're going to stop then Ill run for the both of us.
Let me gain what I can, for us.
Its not like Ill take our prize and never return with it.
What im doing out here...whatever it is...if im even doing anything, Im doing this for us...who the 'us' includes...I dunno...I guess whoevers with me.
I cant afford everyone to drag me down. If I were to sit out with everyone who has ever slowed down or given up on the race for success or progress, or life or happiness or whatever the hell...
where would I be now?

Im that dude. If I make it...somewhere, anywhere, you'll all be looked after. I dont forget my peoples.

But in terms of movement, I can only move with the like minded. As I grow older, my mind changes and so do my ideas, directions and paths. I meet new people and sometimes I may lose contact with the old ones. But Im not different...Im just growing up. I cant be 16 forever. I cant be down for the crew or whatever forever. I gotta go get mines. I have dreams and Im going after mine. The point of my parents struggle was to get me out of the hood, get me out of harm's way, to give me opportunity. I cant let that go to waste because of emotional people who are a tad bit overly sensitive. Dont get me wrong, I love my people and everyone who's helped create the person I am today. But like I said, life is about growing and Im just tryna grow. Forgive me if we begin to drift as we get older and our values, ideas of leisure or purpose in life may change.
Im sorry.

What upsets me sometimes are the people who come at me with vicious remarks and attacking my personality and character; people who Ive 'wronged'.
If you know me, then you know me. And if you have to second guess me, than you dont really know me.
And if you dont know me, then why do you matter anymore? Why do I matter to you anymore?
Think about that.
Some people just like drama and like to create something out of nothing so they have a nice story to tell someone later. "yo do you know what kinda bullshit Will said or did today?"
People love drama...cuz saying that is better than saying "nah, I didnt do too much today...just chilled...true...yea...*awkward silence...* well, I guess Ill just hit u up later."

...Ive been shown a lot of love in the last few weeks, and its been extremely humbling and flattering. Thank you to everyone who has been able to put aside their pride (cuz we are the screwface capital) to show love and support, it means a lot more than you can imagine.

This is not to be cocky whatsoever. I am still in shock and amazement this has even happened.
I was hit up the other day on my facebook by someone who works in a community center and works with the youth to come into talk about photography, my struggles, opportunity, that things dont have to be done in the traditional way (going to learn things through college etc.), perspectives on certain issues...I guess just to come in motivate the kids. I was absolutely in pure amazement...to say the least.
Another person hit me up the other day asking if I could be her topic for her creative writing assignment. She wanted to ask me about photography, events, planning, networking, toronto...blogging and 'gain sight' into my life. Which is totally dope.
Im extremely flattered. I was speechless and read the msgs a couple more times to make sure I didnt make up the words I thought I read.
Its hard to imagine myself as a topic of interest. People tell me a lot of things and give me several reasons as to why other people gravitate towards me...Its understandable yet unbelievable that its me.
Im just being me, no photoshop.
This is the RAW file, unedited and unrefined. As is.

lol
I dunno, Im down to help and assist the movement and growth of our city, and Im glad people see something in me that I cant (and it doesnt have anything to do with my small eyes).

Thank you to everyone who sees me for the person I am under all of this.

All this time Ive been so caught up thinking Im going through this identity crisis of William Nguyen vs Photo Will. lol.

Sounds lame...but a lot of people seem to think that those are two different people. Im the same person...except sometimes theres a camera in my face. But Im the same dude.
The purpose of this blog was to attempt to show you guys who I really am. I know a lot of people thought I was a different person until they got on my blog, or started to really talk to me.
Beneath all of my high profile colleagues and affiliations, all the parties and alcohol, the glitz and glamor, the semi-playboy image and the tattoos is still the same person if you know me and a very different person if you dont know me.

Im doing my best.
I am trying.
Please understand.

6 comments:

Memoirs of Anesha said...

hey
so i made a comment a few days ago saying...

:"when are the little people gonna experience your greatness lol"

after i read todays blog i felt bad...even though you were referring to one specific person.

i dind't mean it in a demeaning way...but I used "little people" (others)in comparison to you... as in you're up there and doing big things!

Yeah..i'm over-analytical. sorry.lol

J. said...

Damn this a long post but it was honest as hell.

AND HERE:
"If you do not pay my bills, if you do not feed me, put the roof over my head, the shoes on my feet, contribute to my happiness or care for it...what the hell is your business in my life? "

...I feel like you were snapping your neck like a black girl as you were typing. haha
SNAPPAGE!

peace

Snoopy said...

Dood.. that is real honest, and i have a lot of respect for u even BEFORE that post. I mean just for that fact that you reached out to me to help, without asking for anything in return, without even really fully 'knowing' me all that well.

I actualy find it hard to believe people out there are actually giving you trouble and speaking negatively about you.. i mean (i dont mean to sound like a kiss ass, and i hope i dont but) but from from what i've experienced...What is there to really say thats negative

and shit like this -

"If you know me, then you know me. And if you have to second guess me, than you dont really know me."

-make me wonder if your stealin quotes from someone else lol! just kidding

but stay up and keep makin' magic!

oh and pics form the NERD concert were fuckin' CRACK!

-Antony

Laura said...

Congrats.
KEEP MOVING & Don't STOP!

frenchvanillabutta'pecanchocolatedelux said...

I WANT TO READ THIS!!
but my eyes really hurt.
and as i type this...
im listen to the "show me your genitals" song.
and laughing..

ps; we need a talk. i got your msg on fb.
meant alot.
my bb is down. hit you up when its goood.

love you will !!

Janine said...

TES...TI...FY!!


William Nguyen aka Photwill...you sir, are the shit.

Bless

J~