Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Darkness.

Yea...if you cant tell, Im still on an emo-tip. Havent really left the house to document anything yet...but thats fine, ive got material for days.

I found this poem too, along with all my other poems from grade 9...here you go.

DARKNESS

The world was a dark room
Without a light.
I was in it.
There must have been a candle somewhere
But I just couldn't find it.
Alas, I have found you,
The candle.
The only problem now was
How do I light you?
Many times I have tried.
But you burnt out every time.
After months of patience,
I finally lit you.
All the happiness I cannot tell you.
I still remember as if it were yesterday,
When you lit up
And the darkness ran away.
You became the light in the room.
Nothing else mattered.
Everything seemed brighter.
You put me to sleep,
You put me at ease.
But in the back of my mind I wonder
Will this light last forever?
Will someone else blow out this candle of mine?
Or will you burn out by yourself in time?
Whatever happens
You must know.
Ive never had a light as bright as yours.
For if I do find another,
It wont be the same.
This room is no longer lit by the very same flame.
After all of our times,
Ive learned this bit,
Once you've gone out...

You cannot be re-lit.

The eerie thing about this poem is it still relates to me 9 years later. I do seek the company of 'candles' so to speak. To this date, I think Ive ever found only one. She knows who she is. (No disrespect to anyone else Ive ever dated).
My mind has matured, experience gained, heart has been broken and mended, my soul has become stronger...but my mentality about being with a woman is exactly identical...

I treat every woman as if they were a candle...whether they actually are or not...I dont know.

I dont even know where Im headed with this...and I feel a Dr. Will moment coming *pause (Dr. Will as opposed to Dr. Phil)...but good people are very hard to come by. Cherish and value the person who keeps your content and happy. All that cheating bullshit is wack. Ive only ever fell out of line once and you have my word that it would never happen again...

I dont believe in cheating because I believe in Karma...not that im afraid it will come back to myself, but to those around me. I dont believe in Karma in the sense that theres some sort of boomerang sent from God, but Im afraid of how I would be on the other end. Not as the victim, but the persons friend, the persons father, the persons son.

And plus, no one deserves to have their emotions played with. Playing with people emotions tramautize them.

I have this thing about cheating. Sometimes Im glad that women have been cheated on or have been treated ill, because when they meet a guy like me they may appreciate me more for the man that I am to them. But obviously theres a problem with this, a lot of women lose trust and hope in all men and relationships because of their past experiences and fuck it up for guys like me. They end up putting all men in this horrible category and no one ever gets a chance.
Or the third scenario is...they become used to the abuse and when you're too good to them, theyre always looking for problems because they relate relationships to drama, and without drama they dont feel the relationship is real.

...its a bit of a headache...
Its almost a lose lose situation...it is extremely difficult to find good, beautiful, smart, ambitious, educated, conscious, strong and independent women...so frickin hard. (But you miss, are a gem.)

But back to the poem. lol. It sometimes sucks...because although you see someone as the candle, sometimes they see you as the darkness; As a part of their uncertainty, their fear, their insecurity, their unknown.

lol...Im laughing cuz i feel like a dork for being so sappy...But I guess im the last of a dying breed. The world will only appreciate people like me when we're all gone...

Like Ive always said before,

Trust what is constant and act when it still matters.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

You said this perfectly....

(((SIGHS)))..too bad you have a girlfriend.......lol

Anonymous said...

this is a comment for your comment.

not a girlfriend.
the wife.
big difference.

or wishful thinking?

-C

Chilly Willy said...

...*ahem

i think its wishful. lol
on my end...lol

Kizzy said...

The depth and sincerity of your words you choose to define as sap? I think not. Blessed is the woman that calls you her own. I kind of like emo Will/Dr. Will lol. Many things you write about are true and said eloquently. I was recently put on to your blog and the blogs of some of your cohorts and you all never cease to amaze me with your accomplishments and commradery. For once, I'm proud of my generation. Thank you.

Chilly Willy said...

To kizzy, first of all I should be asleep...
second of all, thank you ever so kindly for the words you just wrote. Im not sure if I could come up with a response half as deep or as meaningful as the comment you just left, but please know I appreciate your words.

Blessed is the woman that calls me her own? My vulnerability and capacity to articulate my emotions openly are both a gift and curse. lol

And theres no need to thank me for anything. I am merely a product of my surroundings.

*will tips his hat

I hope you do continue reading the blog. Not everything will always be as interesting, but I will do my best.

Thank you again for the comment.

tilt said...

agree to to your whole candle poem. and i believe every guy/girl has that one candle that they compare each other candle to, although you shouldn't, you just wanna see if it can glow brighter than the previous and if it hasn't, you must wonder if it ever will.

trust & communication is everything in my opinion. And never settle for 2nd best, I find too many ppl today just settle with what they got and get married when you know one or the other can do better.

dj_lissamonét said...

will i appreciate this.
i appreciate you.
faleisha is a lucky ducky.
~lissa

Keesha said...

I wanna be a candle!!!!
:(

Anonymous said...

i agree with it all will...it happens to the best of us...i guess people loose hope because with what they're feeling, they feel that they don't want to hurt you, so they leave not only you but everything you guys shared behind them and they move on while you on the other end are clueless of whats going on...i kno watchu mean cuz ive been in the situation and yes it sucks but like u also mentioned..KARMA..it will strike back like a boomerang and it sucks for the person on the other end....good shit will!

Janine said...

I love it when men are brave enough to let their guards down and be real about the emotional stuff. The cheating issue begs the questions "why DO people cheat?" and "why have we (women) been conditioned to think that all men cheat?" I have yet to meet a man (as far as face to face relationships go) who would stay with a woman who cheated on them, but so many women stay with men who cheat repeatedly as if it's expected. I don't understand it.


man...I love this blog.