Sunday, November 16, 2008

How Do You Ask Someone to be Your Gf/Bf?

This is absolutely hilarious to me...lol

Someone msged me earlier, I wont say who, but I know he reads the blog. I told you I was gonna blog it, but dont worry, no one will know its you. I promise.

Anyways, he messaged and was like, "I wanna spend the whole day with her. We've been seeing eachother for 2 months now, and I wanna make it official. So Ill just ask her out at the end of the night."

And then of course I was like...'ummm...is that how that sorta stuff works? U ask them? What do you really say when you ask them tho?"

He didnt really know, he's like "Ill just ask her."

lmao

This topic to me has always been a weird and awkward one. I mean yea, Ive dated. But I dont ever remember how I made things official in a relationship. My fave 'officializing' story was back in grade 7.

Grab some popcorn and maybe a cup of low fat milk, pull up a chair. Story time is about to begin. 'lol

Anyways...back in grade 7...I was a lil rocker asian boy, Airwalks, corduroys, chains on the side, metal ball necklaces (pause), and long black hair with an undercut...I used to tuck my hair behind my ears...lol...true story.
Anyways, Ill always remember her...Kerstin...lol. Man...if anyone's reading this, do not tell Kerstin! lmao lmao lmao lmao
Fuck...im blushing like hell right now. But anyways, I always liked her...we sorta kinda always held hands in grade 5, and I used to give her my POGS, trade in my books at school to get her the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books (they were her favorite), draw her pictures of us and send her candy grams every Tuesday...but that was grade 5, this is grade 7 now. If i thought she was hot in grade 5, she became hotter in grade 7 (to a grade 7 boy...not to a grown 23 year old man...just to set shit straight. lol)

So anyhow...It was late spring of '97...We were hanging out everyday after school at the park...just on the swings and telling funny stories. I remember so many days on the playground...(although I was way too big for it at that age...but thats juss where we hung out)...just staring at her green eyes on sunny days...tryna to figure out how to tell her that I liked her. I knew she liked me too...just didnt know how much.
Her best friend Ashley and I were good friends. I always called Ashley on the phone telling her about Kerstin and ray tay tay. One night on the phone I said...Im gonna ask Kerstin to be my gf tmr...and she said how...and Im like...Ill just ask her...
So anyways, next day it is...we all have gym class together. I got changed super quick and was the first person in the gym. Ashley comes outta the girls change room shortly after...she goes,

'so how are you gonna ask her?'
'I dunno. What should I say?'
'I dunno. Just ask her.'
'Like hey, do you wanna be my gf?'
'...sure?'
'ummm...how about you go ask her for me.'
'Really? You want me to ask?'
'Yea, Im getting nervous.'
'Ummm...ok...'

*Ashley walks into the girls changeroom.
*I wait outside shaking uncontrollably...and just said I was cold when anyone asked...lol
*Ashley comes back out

'...'
'...'
'...so what did she say...first of all...what did you say? Word for word.'
'Ok, so I go to her, Will wants you to be his gf...'
'OMG! You said that? That made me sound so lame!'
'Well...'
'Ok...whatever...and so what did she say?'
'She said ok.'
'She said ok?'
'Yep...'
'...Very well...'

*Kerstin walks out of the changeroom...in a black sweater with a big white swoosh, black champion tear-aways and white shoes.
*Im sitting on the stage of the gym/auditorium
*She smiles, tucks her blonde hair behind her ears, looks downwards and walks towards me. She sits down beside me on the stage

'Hey.'
'Hey.'
'...'
'...'

*I start tapping my feet and looking around trying to act normal...
*She's smiling and looking away...
*I started turning beet red, while holding my smile in.

'So...*I smile again*...hi.'
'Hey.'
'I guess ur my girlfriend now' (LMFAO!)
'I guess so.'

Then we stared at eachother...like a fuckin set of numb nuts. Didnt know what to do next. So I thought...maybe we're supposed to kiss now to 'officialize' things right?...What if she kisses me back with her eyes open...meanwhile mine are closed? lmao...its true tho. I really did think all of this...So we stared at eachother for about 3 seconds and suddenly leaned in for a kiss! lmao lmao lmao (NO ONE TELL KERSTIN ABOUT THIS POST! LMAO)

...and then GYM class started...lol...and so did the rest of my emotional career. lmao

Anyhow...I obviously dated again and again after Kerstin and I split in Grade 7.
But Ive always been kinda weary about how to go about saying 'So I wanna be with you, and I want you to be with me, so dont like anyone else, cuz i dont like anyone else, dont sleep with anyone else because I wont sleep with anyone else. Be mine, cuz I wanna be yours." lmao

How do you go about asking for exclusivity? Or should it already be understood?
How do you go about officializing it...without saying it?
At what point do you expect the other person to stop seeing other people?
lol

These are all weird questions but they all make sense when you think about it...
Havent you ever just dated someone...and wanted to make it 'official' and didnt know how to go about it.

I mean in highschool, maybe you could send a note across the room 'Will you be my gf/bf?'...
But what do you do now?
I dont even remember what I did with my last few girlfriends...except change my facebook status! lmao
Its like...do I make it a big dinner date and ask you at the end or is that mad corny...or should I just stay quiet until she one day introduces me as her bf...or is it official when we're holding hands in public? lol
You know what I mean...its definitely a weird topic...and even a more difficult one to bring up...

"So yea...so you know...we've going out...I mean like...on dates...I mean outtings...for some time now...ummm...so you know...I was wondering...ummm...you know...uh...like if I asked you to be my girlfriend...what would you say...? No is a valid answer."

And the possibility of rejection???? OUUuuuuu!!!! We wont even get into that one for this post...lmao...I think Ive only ever had one girl reject me...twice! lmao
Of course...it was in Grade 7...lmao...

Ouu ouuu !!!! Slightly off topic...but have you ever held out on an 'officialization' and then just get totally screwed over and she hits you with the 'you're like my bestfriend...you're like a brother to me.'
Ouuuuu!!!!! Fuckin hurts!!! Burn baby burn!!! lol

You hear her say things like 'Oh I love him. He's like a brother to me. I could never date him.'
And in the background you're like...'What I liked you! Damnit I shoulda said something. We became way too comfortable and now Im her brother! Noooo!!!'

Trust me...I try to play things cool, and do the friend thing. Then they say shit like...but we're such good friends...I dont wanna risk that. If this doesnt work out, Ill lose my boyfriend and a bestfriend...OUUUUUU!!! Burn baby burn...My heart sinks faster than the fuckin Titanic after hearing that shit! lmao

Dont you hate that shit tho, you wanna be that guy friend/girl friend that juss hangs out, be a good friend, but at the same time you're learning how to be a better person and treat them better than the last. Now you got all this newly acquired and accumulated knowledge...and you cant do jack shit with it! fuckin a!

Anyways...Im getting off topic...lol

*ahem...Will clears his throat...

...I guess you could always just ask to make sure you're on the same page...about the bf/ gf thing.




I dunno...what do you guys do?

Please...entertain me. lol

13 comments:

narrylikes said...

ask? ask what... if i may hold your hand? i thought you just "know" when something is official or not.

then again, some people are still a bit old school when it comes to these things and they have to do it the "right" way.

i remember getting a letter in school asking "do you like me?" i laughed at him, cos i thought it was weird. today i feel bad and thought maybe i should apologize, but i've no idea what happened to him. bless!

Sang Frais said...

I remember when my fiance and I first got together. It was 10th grade and we were outside his friends house playin basketball. When he went inside to use the bathroom his best friend Brian came up to me and was like
"You know Josh like you right?"
"What???No he doesn't"
"Yeah, he does. You'll see"

Brian walks away and then Josh comes out lookin all nervous and i'm cheesin hella hard from what Brian just told me. And then Josh walks up to me and asks why i'm smiling so hard

"It's nothin, B just said you like me"
".....Damn, I told him not to tell you. I wanted to do it"
"So you do like me?"
"Yeah, i've actually liked you since the 5th grade"
"Really????"(i'm cheesin super hard now)
"Yeah. you wanna be my girlfriend"
"ok"
then we kissed for what seemed like forever and then my parents pulled up and ruined the moment,lol. That was how we got together and we still are. We've been friends since the 4th grade so getting into the relationship was very easy. We damn near knew everything about each other up to that point but I could understand why people won't date one of their friends cuz if you broke up it would be weird trying to be friends again. Depending how you break up tho it could be done. But yeah, that's how we got together.

Janine said...

With my son's father, it was when he took me to his house and introduced me to his parents as "his girlfriend". I don't recommend this strategy, however, because it's an easy way to get your face cracked.

Dude: "mom, dad...this is Boomquisha, my girlfriend".

Boomquisha: "WHAT?? OH HELL TO THE NAW! Boy, you musta bumped yo head. You are NOT my man...you playin'! He playin. Sheeee-oooot"

Anonymous said...

Me and all my past relationships, we sort of got on the topic of couples and just tested each other's answers lol. The whole answer the theoretixal scenarios. And then it just happens.

I think that to avoid the "friend" or "brother" status you need to come one somewhere in between strong and explorative. Highlight the chemistry and make sure s/he knows you're interested and make sure s/he always knows it. Tough subject, but I love reading it

The Definition said...

Well, for most of my life I've been the kind of shy girl, but you hit 18 and shit just changes lol. I wasn't too shy because I was always the person asking someone out. A girl can only wait so long and drop so many hints. I met this guy Walter, we had been talking on the phone for a little bit. One night we're getting off the phone and there's this awkward pause, we hang up anyway. So I'm sitting there in my room for 5 minutes going back and forth with myself thinking, "You really like him Kizzy, just call back. But what if I scare him off? Fuck that you know what you want. What's the worst that can happen?" I woman up and call back...
"Hello?"
"Why did I feel like I wanted to tell you I love you?" (lol mad bold)
"You felt that too."
"Yeah, that wrong?"
"Na. I kinda wanted to say it too but I didn't know if I should. You sure you're ready to go there?"
"Yeah."
".....I love you Kizzy."
"I love you too Walt."......we talked for a lil bit then got off the phone. He and I were together for 3 years; broke up with me this year. Sometimes you just have go get it. A lot of that waiting and wondering what to say is fear of rejection, but if you know what you want you have to face it. My Mom says, "If you find someone who is willing to make a fool out of themselves for you, you've found love that will last a lifetime." I've learned not to make things harder than they should be and whatever you do don't be blasè about it. Now that I'm 22 and single I'm telling guys like this, son it's not a marriage proposal its just an invitation to the most fulfilling experience of your life lmao.......oNe

Anonymous said...

these stories as madd cute and give me that fuzzy feelin of young love haha...
but for some reason i think its gotten a hella not more complicated these days...i mean how do you know if bein exclusive is even on the table?..what if you have a lot of chemistry...but you've known them forever...what if you know them as a person that's not really the commitment type?...what if you think its more than they do?...like the whole i jus think of you as a friend thing haha...i dunno i guess i'm one step behind everyone else...its not the askin someone to be my boyfriend thas the issue...its knowin if thas even an option...at least in this case haha

The Definition said...

In my opinion, on the whole friends thing, some of the best relationships start out as friendships. The only way you're going to know if there can be more is if you put it out there. If you say something and they don't feel the same, yeah its gonna be weird. On the other hand if you don't say anything the wondering what could have been is going to eat you alive. Plus you never know, even if they reject you at first, knowing how you feel about them could change their perspective of you in a good way. Get them thinking, "Hmm, maybe I could see myself dating *insert name*."

Janine said...

"In my opinion, on the whole friends thing, some of the best relationships start out as friendships."

I totally agree with this statement. It's nice to not have that 'new person' awkwardness because you already know and love each other in a very significant way. And if the bf/gf relationship doesn't work out, that doesn't necessarily mean that the friendship has to be. You just have to decide how much it's worth to you to keep it.

Anonymous said...

once u enter the friend zone u cannot get out!
LOL.

Anonymous said...

i always gave my current bf opportunities to make it official but he never took them until one night i went to confront him about something...i started out by asking, "what do you see me as" (just so i can know from which angle to tackle the issue)then he responded by saying my girl...so i guess thats a way to make it official =S

Anonymous said...

2 things:
1) how do you know you love someone
2) when you figure out you do how do you tell them

Trimaine said...

Word too the post above, lol. That dreaded "Friend Zone."

I always try and DIP from that area. If I'm chilling with a girl a lot and I can sense they're getting too comfortable, I disappear for a good week or so. I'll say shit like, Im kinda busy still, or nah not tonight. Whenever they ask me to go do something with them, aka movie n shit like that.

Then outta the blue I'll send a text like.

Me: "Hey, what's up?"
Them: "Nothing much really."
Me: "Forreal, whatchu doing tonight?"
Them: "Well, Im supposed to go out with some friends, but I dunno, not really into it."

**Of course that reply isn't always the same, it either "Not doing anything." But do girls really like to admit they aren't doing anything...I dunno, they don't want to seem boring or something? I dunno.

ANYWHO!!!****

Me: "Oh, so I guess you have plans then, iiight, cool."
Them: "Well maybe, why?"
Me: Nah, it's cool........next time
Them: No, what?
Me: You have plans, next time when you don't have plans.
Them: OMG, just tell me, nothing is for certain
Me: Okay fine, you wanna come with me too.......*insert whatever event here* Usually somewhere where it would be me and her though together.

That's my instant get the fuck outta the friend zone playbook play. You gotta DIP, not make yourself too available for shit. Or else, you'll be etting phone calls and text msgs for stupid shit.

Them: Hey, wanna come with me too pick out curtains? and a night stand @ Ikea?
Me in my mind: WTF? Curtains? Nightstand? this girl must be trippin'

my response,

"Nah, can't today.....Im in." ...I think I said some shit like Ajax or Milton for a couple of days.

Basically, I had to DIP from her for a good month after that shit.

Past relationships now......No idea how we made it official.

I remember one of them, I told someone on my msn about her, while I was in class @ school *** I think I was on break or some shit.***About how I liked this girl in my program.

I don't know how it happened, but she either ended up reading my conversation by "accident." Damn liar, girls are nosey, LoL

or

Actually, I'm pretty sure thats what happened. So next day now, she was just like, soooo....are you gonna ask me?

Me: I dunno, what do you want me too ask?
Her: I dunno, what do you feel like asking

It went on like that for like 1min, until I was like too myself, wow, your so gay right now. You know she likes you so just friggin ask her already. What are you, 6??

So I ask, she looks @ the date, and was like, "Mark this day down, its official. Oh yeah, you can tell so and so on your list we are official as of this day."

Can you believe that, her way of saying yes is that its official, after I been through all that unnecessary sweating (It was winter, had on my winter jacket...what? it was hot inside).

What did my friend say about it when I told her you ask? Well you didn't but imma tell you anyway...

She goes, FINALLY!! OMG, your so gay.

Damn you Sharadene.



Trimaine

tilt said...

soooo... i finally saw this post today when i was scrolling through it showing my cousin in LA about ur blog.

and soo funny, i wonder about that too, nowadays is different than in elementary or high school.

i just go with the flow cuz i think it depends on different girls, and sometimes i still don't know what to do but just keep going along with it.

but its all communication, so as long as the both of you are on the same page its all good... like if ur dating/seeing more than one person, than u gotta notify the other person, especially if you are sleeping with them.

but once u get introduced to family, ie mom/dad, i think that pretty much means official.

or when someone asks you, do u have a gf/bf, and u have to think of what to say, then I think you need to talk to the other person so you can clarify things, but don't wanna scare them away into rushing things as well.