Monday, November 17, 2008

My Advice...


A lot of distraught readers and friends have been hitting me up lately...
Although I do try to answer everyone individually its not possible for me to answer everyone in such detail. Its a lot more efficient in this case for me to use this blog...

These two quotes that Im gonna drop has played very important roles in my life, especially the first (since I heard it years ago as opposed to the second which I heard only last year).

Ill try not to go into too much detail with the analysis...I want you to relate it to your life and act upon the advice in the way you feel most fitting.

The first piece of advice is for the person who is dependent on another person and relies on who he/she knows and affiliations without placing primary responsibility within their own hands.

My dad used to always tell me this...

"If you're ever in trouble, make sure you save yourself first. For example, if you're drowning you have to do your best to stay above water and not drown. Because if you dont save yourself first, it wont matter when the lifeguard gets there, because you're already dead. In order to be saved, you must save yourself first. Do not depend on another, because that lifeguard...he may never come.'

Seek the strength within yourself to carry on before looking outwards for a hand to pull you out.

And then I remember Bryan's addition to that. I dont remember it word for word, but here goes something...

"Conversely, if you are the person helping, know where to draw the line. For example, if you were the lifeguard trying to save a person drowning, although you are going into danger to save the person, be prepared to throw an elbow or a good kick if shit gets outta hand. Like say the person drowning is kicking you and pushing you underwater, they dont stop panicing and puts your life at danger, know when to kick them or throw that elbow to get them to cool out and re-gain control. Or know when to just swim away and leave them alone because you're putting your own life in danger and at the risk of both of you drowning. You cant save everyone. Some people just cant be saved."

Of course, Bryan is much more eloquent with the English language than I am.

Know where you need to push forward, keep trying and exhausting all options and know when you need to back away, give up and just let certain things happen.

Relate this to your life, your relationships, your work, your school, your dreams, your friendships, your family...know when you gotta stop helping your kid sibling when hes always blackmailing you. Know when to cut off your boyfriend whose cheating on you and treating you like shit. To cut off your homeboy who keeps using you for money...Try to be a better judge of character as well.

But you cant spend so much time worrying about saving others and making them happy...sometimes you just have to let go even if it hurts.

As idealistic as I am, Im not a completely ignorant and naive person.

Understand that sometimes, its actually not worth making other's happy. The way I see it, you can try and try and try, but you can never make everyone or even a particular person happy and because you've focused so much on another, you'll probably forget about your own happiness. The person that you wanted to make happy isn't and neither are you. My solution, just do you. Make yourself happy, if you wont, who will. I dont know about you, but sometimes thats a lot more efficient. Better you being happy and someone else unhappy than both people unhappy.

This life is too short to live it for someone else...especially if its not reciprocated.

Dont get me wrong, Im not encouraging selfishness and self centered characteristics...

Just understand the importance of being independent (but not entirely) of others in your journey and knowing where to draw your limits with being a saint.

Not everyone's out to help you even if they offer it. Not everyone wants your help even when they ask for it.

But like I said, relate this to your issues and troubles, I do hope that the two quotes will help you guys out. It certainly helped shed some light for me...

Thanks Dad and to my brother Bryan

4 comments:

J. said...

1) Okay I wanna make this known. I am not a stalker. lol Im just trying my best to avoid the homework that is starring at me therefore I keep circling the same blogs. lol

2) Between the "splashing ball" and "lifeguard" quotes, I want your dad as my life coach. That is all. lol

Peace.

djlissamonet said...

bravo.

narrylikes said...

your dad said some very wise words. it reminds me of something i read earlier this year "the poor can't help the poor and the sick can't help the sick". although i think the poor can still help someone, but you get what i'm saying :)

same thing when you're flying, you have to put your own oxygen mask on first, before you help the person next to you.

some people think it's selfish when you put yourself first. sometimes it's better to be "selfish", because if you're not, you might lose yourself in the process and then you end up losing everything and everyone around you too.

i can't explain things in proper english sentences, only "narry" talk...

tilt said...

true words.