Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Don't Change

This is a song you'll always catch me singin randomly...whether someone is around or not...

I like beautiful women.
But I love me a woman with personality...

I love a beautiful house...
but its more about the interior decorations and furnishings...I need to feel a sense of character, I need to know someone can actually live here. I also need to know the foundations were built properly, no moulding pipes, broken furnaces, deteriorating stair cases etc.
I dont spend all my time staring at the front of the house, I spend my time inside.
Its important that home, feels like home.

Its not all about the pretty flowers in the front lawn and the big backyard (pun intended)...lol

I think we've all been in this same place...that place where we've become insecure with who we are physically...or been in a place where your partner stops feeling beautiful.

Security always seems to be a big issue in relationships.
I always do my best to show that my love in conditional and never changes (as long as her love dont change)

This post is going to get a bit off topic and all over the place...but whatevs...lets hope it makes sense.

I mean, I have been with women who eventually do gain some weight and dont exactly look how they looked when I first met them...but Im never really concerned with those things...its how Im treated that Im concerned with.
A good personality can compensate almost anything...
Anyone who knows me, knows I love talking and just hanging out...
Most of the beauty in a person exists in their minds, heart and actions...

Beauty to me is defined by intellect, a sense of humor, an ability to make fun of yourself, respect, courtesy, consideration, love, care, concern, loyalty and honesty. A person with values and sense of her roots, particularly her culture. A person who understands struggle and appreciates the person that theyve become because of it. A woman who is selfless, understands how crucial family is. I always prefer girlfriends with a lot of friends, because it tells me something about their character and how they interact with others.
I love a woman who is artsy and is easily inspired and is able to see beauty in the most natural and simplistic elements of life.

...this is starting to sound like a Lavalife profile or some shit. lol

I guess basically what Im trying to say is, please take the time to understand a person, to know them and have a real appreciation for who that person is.

A friend of mine approached me awhile ago saying he doesnt know how he feels about his girlfriend anymore because he feels the chase is gone...

I said:
"Its not the chase bro, it was never about the chase. Why the hell do you need to chase forever?
Obviously there is a different problem...simply, she just was never what you really wanted. You thought she was a certain person and you probably overlooked and decided to ignore a lot of things when you liked her.
Like does she turn your music down in the car? Do you guys sit on the phone for hours in silence? Do you guys ever really want to do the same thing? Do you guys even share the same interests?
You need to find a person who understands you, thinks like you. Appreciates you for the man that you are in all aspects (well as much as possible anyways), a person you can have intellectual and philosophical talks with. The last thing you want is a girl who you can only talk to about what you ate and did today with. You want a partner who can discuss ideas and great thoughts. Who can imagine and relate. Who doesnt just repeat your last words and nods and says 'yep'.
Spontaneity is so key for replacing the chase and avoid boringness.
You guys have fallen into routine and find it boring. The excitment is gone because you guys cant find a common ground or similar interests...but if you guys were more alike, this might not necessarily be the case.
You need someone who feels secure and trusts you when you say something...and a person who will go out of her way to show you that same thing.
You need a person who never counts the favors and duties...love is unconditional and cannot be measured. There should never be I owe you's...simply do them because you care for the well being and feelings of the others. So dont fall into a routine where you feel like you HAVE to do something, do it because you feel to, not because you HAVE to.
You need to be able to be yourself...like you should never feel the need to be reserved and tone down your personality around the person you're with. Thats probably a sign of insecurity..."she might think Im an idiot if I do this."
Ive been there too, I know what that feels like.
Sometimes people also grow a part as they realize that they're values and views are different. Sometimes couples grow together, sometimes they grow apart.
And maybe you need to reassess your situation and where you're at and maybe replot the map of where you want to be and how you'll get there.
I have the luxury of meeting new women all the time...I dont sleep with them or do anything with them, but I get the opportunity to converse with them, learn about them and enter a new realm of thought and understanding of being that I thought may have never existed. The most rewarding thing sometimes, is simply just knowing this type of woman exists in this world. That things I love and wish for are possible, that patience will bring to her. I take a quality from every woman I meet and mentally build a woman that would be most ideal.
Of course its not foolproof, but its a step closer to what I want and need, and a step further from me continuing to settle.
I mean if you can have friends of the opposite sex where you can enjoy a random nonsensical talk with, why not with your girlfriend? If you love art and you can go to the art gallery with your friend...why not your girlfriend? If you have deep talks about life, your problems and issues with a friend, why not your girlfriend? Isnt your girlfriend also supposed to be your best friend?
If you cant do these things with her...whats her purpose?
Is she there so you can feel like someone wants you at the end of the day?
For sex? So you can just say you have someone? Simply for comfort? To know you're not alone?
Your family members were forced onto you, you cant choose your siblings or your parents...
but relationships are voluntary.
If you volunteer to be with someone, be sure to volunteer to be happy.
There are only so many hours in a day and I barely have enough time to be happy and love, Im not going to waste of that time to be miserable and upset...the time just doesnt exist.
Happiness, peace and stability exists...but only along side patience.

lol...I guess thats some Dr. Will for you guys...

Understand that I dont think that Im a know it all when it comes to relationships...Ive just become more focused and more clear with what I look for what I deem to be necessary for relationships to work.
Im only human, so I will and have chosen some girlfriends that may have not exactly fit my bill, but like I said...Im human...sometimes our emotions get the best of us...

My friend Milana once told me, "Its impossible to find your perfect match. Its about finding someone with flaws that you can accept."

No one is perfect...no one.
No matter how you define perfect, no one will ever be, there is always something about a person that you dont like..."Shes got a great smile, but I hate that she doesnt really like reading Batman comics!" lmao...stupid example but you get what I mean. If she was that perfect...fuck...you're lucky! Marry her now!!!

I also know a lotta ppl who start feelings way when theyre partners start looking different, gaining weight etc...

Your questioning may not exist if you invested a lil more time in understanding and getting to know their personality, mind and heart first...instead of figuring out how well theyre gonna handle the goodies.

Im probably going to be single for awhile...we know what my new years resolution is...
The person that I look for is extremely rare...I may have found a couple of them...but unfortunately a few of them have been taken by others...or some of them just might not have mutual feelings about me...lol...which is understandable...life wouldnt be so fun if everything were so easy.

But its cool...the longer it takes for me to find her...the more Ill value her when do.

All great things take time, effort and patience...my ends will justify my means.

Love exists, never stop believing in it...

Im off to bed now.

PS. Thanks to Rachel, for the push while I was writing this...I started giving up halfway through the post until she msged me with some advice. All "Hale".

PSS. Sorry for the typos and grammar mistakes, I didnt proofread this...and sorry if the thoughts are unorganized...I just typed as I was thinking.


Vick said...

I wanna thank u because this last post has really helped me look on my relationship and re-evalue it and i kno i just can't keep doin the same things ibeen doin, life's too short// U really helped me in many ways PhotoWill i appreciate that u take the time out to do these..

Anonymous said...

Well written will your blog is always the second thing I read whenever I roll over my bed and have gone through my bbm messages.
This blog right here is amazing I simply love it and one thing tht stuck to me was when you mentioned "its not the chase bro it was never about the chase..."We sometimes as humans forget tht I feel personality overrides a lot of things once you are in the relationship esp if you share the same intrests.Personality for me is what defines who the person really is rather than the overall look but then again who I'm I to say tht when the physical attraction is what made you notice her or him then the personality seals the deal.

Anonymous said...

This is officially one of my favourite tunes of all time! props on the post my dude

The Definition said...

I know this post isn't about that, but you have great taste in music.

Anonymous said...

is nebs one of those ppl that got taken?

D said...

Seriously?!...someone mentioned this before but like, what flippin planet did you come from again guy? I know there must be more of your kind. More of you must exsist somewhere! Would you like to tell me where? Cause clearly, none of them are in Maryland but I digress...

Then again maybe you are from here and you were just raised well... or your experiences have made you this way...the latter is more likely tho right?...

Anonymous said...

I wish you would describe your perfect g. Besides the personality, what usually draws you in?


Chilly Willy said...

Lol. Thank to everyone for the kind words...I'm from here...same planet everyone else is from. I'm no different...I guess we all juss express and value diff things...
*will shrugs
Doesn't make me any better than anyone.
Different strokes for different folks.

And as for that last request...really? Ud wanna know...lol

I have a preferrence...but its not rigid at all. I've dated and talk to all sorts of girls...I just don't wanna offend anyone...but I guess ill blog about that soon enough.

But if u guys really want me to I will...just don't kill me after I do. Lol

Brittany said...

Even though its only through your blogs, your genuiness and sincerity truely show. You're such a sweatheart and for Gods sake... please don't change!!! Lol

P.S It might take a while to find what you are looking for in a woman. Just stay focused and you wont be led astray. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post, will. Really makes me think and re-evaluate the way i look at relationships. I'm curious to know what draws you in too, maybe i'll step to you then if i got it goin' on lol

Maяіa .:* said...

Hmm...I loved this post, and THANK you because you just raised the bar for other men out there! :D

D said...

I don't kno Will-e. As far as guys go I wld say your a tad bit different. Maybe thts jus cause I dnt kno any guys who spit thngs like that. *shrugs... Is being different so bad?

But newho... It wld be interesting to kno ur type. However, based on previous posts stating you like Kreeshas complexion, you like Alicia and seeing pics of ur ex... its not hard to see what you prefer. But then again I could be wrong. I shouldn't assume right? Feel free to share tho. There will be no angry mobs out for ur head aftward. We asked for it... :) lol


Anonymous said...

Do you look for girlfriends or just let it happen?

Janine said...

I like this post. I like that you think so much about stuff like this. I'm sure you aren't the only sensitive brother on the planet, but you definitely aren't afraid to show your vunerability...that sets you apart. And the best are always set apart.

I just want to nitpick a little bit by saying that you can't always judge what type of person you have on your hands by how many friends they have. A better barometer is always the quality of the friendships a person maintains and the calibre of people they choose to befriend.

Just another way of looking at it.



iLUVLOLA said...

I love you Willy...