I just spent the last 3 hrs writing a whole bunch of nonsense...ranging from emo stuff to funny stuff...I wrote 5 or so different posts...none of which are completed...
Im just so uninspired to write right now...someone, piss me off...or make me feel an awesome emotion!
I keep writing and then realizing that ...'hey! wait a second! this post fuckin sucks!'
I was writing about weird facts about me, then I started gettin nostalgic and writing about how things have changed for me in the last 2 years for better and for worse, then I wanted to write a bucketlist (all the things I wanna do before I died)...and then I wanted to tell you guys that Remix is setting up a Photography Studio for me and that Ill be in business hopefully by the end of the month..., then I wanted to write a potentially inspiring post on how I feel the young leaders of our generation and how I want all of us to have a place in the history books, then the meaning of 'Will' and 'Will power' and how I wish to encorporate that in my life, and how everyone needs Will in their life...lol....I started writing the dating etiquette post...and then I wanted to write a mystery love letter...a letter that would belong to the woman I would one day fall in love with...yea, its sappy...
I have a ton of ideas but nothing special to say about them...
Ill have to wait to inspired to finish off these posts...
Dont get it wrong, nothing bad is happening to me right now. As a matter of fact, a lot of things are going really well for me. Like a lot, so much its actually a bit overwhelming...a lot of it has to do with the people at Remix and the future they're building for me...but I just really feel like something in my life is still missing...I cant really figure out what it is...
My heart and mind just feels like its so absent from everything I do...
I dont know if its because I feel lonely...that after such a long day, I come home and I have no one...Or if its because I feel like Im losing friends because I dont have much time anymore to spend with them, or the friends that I have are worth keeping around, or maybe because I feel awful for always disappointing my mom and arguing with her everyday, or maybe because I dont like my financial state and I wish I could help others more but since I cant I feel so useless, or maybe its because Im not focused in school, because of the gloomy winter overcasts and the lack of sunlight that affects my moods...or maybe this is just random and Im on my period...lol
Something in my life is really out of place...or just completely missing.
I just feel like the further I continue moving left, the further I move from right...
I continue to lose something as long as I continue to gain something else.
I begin to realize that happiness and peace of mind cannot be bought with money nor can it be afforded with different levels of success...
its priceless...
In fact, sometimes it feels like money and success are at one end of the spectrum and happiness and peace are at the opposite end...(the further I move left, the further I move from right) I dont always feel this way...but sometimes it does in certain situations...
You can always tell when my mind is really troubled whenever I spend too much time watching TV...and Im not posting long posts, because if I dont have long posts...that means I dont have any emotions running through me at that moment.
...no feelings, no excitement, no sadness, no frustrations...no thoughts, no inspirations...no nothing...
Just a ghost in a shell...
8 comments:
i think everyone always feels like something is missing..its part of human nature to nvr truly be satisfied with where u are at the present moment..always striving for more. it keeps u hungry.
maybe you're just questioning if this is what u really want out life
u cant b passionate and inspired ALL of the time, right? everyone has their lulls. ;)
Guess you are on your period, lol. Don't worry... she sticks around for the most a week and you'll be back to your normal self!
I think you feel out of place in your own life. I think you've been at a very important crossroads in your life for a while now, with some big decisions to make for YOURSELF, but you continuously defer from making them. Either by forcefully shifting into a new emotion or simply covering it up with day to day activities. Once you've made up your mind, like truly made up your mind, there will be no more "the more I move left, the further I move right", just full speed ahead toward the things and people you want in your life. I hate to sound all know it all-ish, but honestly I've been there before. Then again, I don't know you like that and I definitely don't want a post dedicated to cussin me out lol. You'll figure shit out, eventually.
Yea...well I know ill eventually figure shit out...its just really difficult to think sometimes. As u think of one thing, a thought of something painful comes up and than I try to avoid the thoughts all together...sometimes its a lot easier to be distracted than sit there and think of a solution. Sometimes, there is no solution...sometimes the solution may juss be time...
This too shall pass.
I know. Its like I want company, yet I still wanna be alone. I hate isolation, but I don't wanna be around anyone. I'm tired, but I can't sleep. I'm awake but I stay in bed...lol
Its an odd feeling...I haven't been here in years...
And yea it could be a very important cross road where I'm at when I'm juss tryna figure out the person I'm becoming...
Who knows?
But this too shall pass.
:)
Wait it out, those ideas rock, don't throw them away just yet!
Maybe what you need is not to force out entries but instead when they come, just let them flow...
I just realized what I said previous kinda sounded like describing bowel movements so maybe you shouldn't publish that hahaha
HAHAHA...take a writer's laxative!
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