Umm...?

I know its Tuesday, and you're probably wondering where we ate this week...and what exciting adventure that we had to lug through this time. But we were on a bit of a tight schedule so I just brought her lunch afterschool, we hung out at Remix for a bit while CBC was recording and documenting the facility...and then I dropped her off. Hence no tenderonni pictures. lol
Regardless of the agenda, its always time well spent.


Ive been in a troubled state of mind for the past few days that I couldnt seem to find my way out of...

Im feeling a lot better now and hopefully I can stay here for awhile.

First of all I have to say thank you to anyone and everyone who has taken some sort of time out of their day to read my rants. I never thought anyone was interested in what I had to say. I thought it was more of just you guys being here to see pictures. But I get more comments about my rants more than anything.
Its quite a surprise. I dont know the majority of the people who visit my blog. But I feel like some of you guys that dont know me, actually do know me better than a lot of people who claim to know me.

lol.

Its weird but cool.

Lola has been telling me to create a blog for the last 3 years...but I was extremely boring then (even more boring than I am now...yea its possible). But Ive never felt the timing was right until now. But thank you Lola for the initial push.

I told Bryan last February that I wanted to start a blog of my own. I wanted to move away from Facebook and find a better way to create an identity for myself. Obviously I cant go around shaking everyones hand and getting to know everyone, so I thought this would be an effective medium. I wanted to show off my quirky sense of humor, show you what my day was like, kinda be vulnerable in a way where everyone knows me in a more truer sense. I just want you to understand me as being more than a photographer; But as a friend, as a student, as a brother, a son, a boyfriend (well I was single at the time) and lastly as an artist. Bryan thought it was a dope idea and told me to go for it.

A week later I told him I decided to partner up with some friends to make it cooler. Bryan wasnt too fond with the idea of me having to compromise and restrict my thoughts, creativity and imagination. I ignored him at first because I thought I couldnt get enough readers on my own and I felt that Bryan had overestimated me and I really wasnt who he thought I was.

He said
"When you start your own blog, just do you. Who cares about what people think is cool. Dont post wack shit just for the sake of hits and appeal. This blog is just for you to express what you want and what you feel. You're creating a place for people of similar and like-minds. If they read it, you know they like it and theyre like you. And if they dont, it doesnt matter, because its not them you're trying to attract anyways. Do it for you."

It was hard for me at first...When I started blogging, I never really knew what to put besides event pictures and pictures of my day to day routine that looked cool. I never wrote too much because I felt people never really wanted to hear my thoughts, that everyone was only after the pictures. I asked Bryan if I was typing too much and if it was bad idea for the sake of the blog and MY readers. In a way it was bias to ask Bryan, because the Legends League is usually very heavy in text...so without even asking him, I already knew the answer.

He said something along the lines of "Writing more will only reveal to your reader more about yourself, and potentially yourself to yourself."

Dont quote Bryan's quotes here line for line...it was back in February. Im just playing off memory.

And I only realized what he meant when I started writing more on my posts, especially with the "My Origins", "My troubles" and "Darkness" posts.
Let me say, I am extremely extremely extremely surprised by the amount of hits that I have received from these posts. Ask anyone, thats all I talk about

I feel a lot better now about being able to just say what I want. Its also amazing with the amount of in depth comments I receive from you guys. I hit the refresh button on my blackberry all day waiting for a new comment to appear for me to approve. I love getting feedback especially knowing that it has affected you in someway or that you can relate to it.

Im glad that I havent necessarily made a mistake by being more open.

Anyhow...like I said, I have been in a troubled state of mind for the past few days. I will not say what it relates to or what its about. But I did write a little something. Whatever you think this is about...its probably not. Whoever you think it involves, it probably doesnt. Sometimes Im able to just imagine myself in another time, in another situation, in a different mood. Or I could be lying about that right now...who knows?

So this is a poem that I wrote earlier on today when I first woke up. Its not the best thing that you nor I have ever read but watevs. The last time I wrote a poem was in grade 10...Im very rusty. But here goes.

cant eat
cant sleep
cant wake...
cant think
shouldnt think
shouldnt stress
shouldnt worry...
shouldnt anticipate
wont tell
wont show
wont know
dont know...

dont go.

will work
will try
for more
forward
for us
can change
can be
will be
be better
be strong
be hopeful
believe.

lol. Feel free to laugh at the poem now. Someone told me there was a hint of desperation in this poem...but I guess sometimes theres no way to dress up the way you really feel. True feelings always sound corny. The truth is not easy to dress up in articulation. Its raw. Unrefined and unpolished. The smooth stuff is usually the fake stuff (most times, not all the time).

Sometimes you just gotta say things how they are and not care about how lame you look. Put aside your ego, put aside your pride. The sincerity needs to be felt, the honesty has to be present and genuiness must exist.

Say what you need to when the opportunity still exists, tomorrow may never come and they may never know.

PS. Dont worry, Ill have a crapload of photos for you guys after Thursday night. The long readings will end soon enough. lol

PSS. feel free to leave comments, I love feedback. ...wait I already said that...fuckin a.