(YES THAT HIDEOUS FACE BELONGS TO ME...be nice.)As much I love doing the emo-talks and just writing about more serious situations, I dont want to drown you with my sorrows and issues. Although Im well aware that you guys are all open to hearing it, I gotta switch it up here and there...I cant be too predictable...
But Im sure ill have something to write about tonight...I should be doing my hmwk...or at least paying attention in class right now...but I like to overestimate and be overly confident about my intelligence...I dont know why...because my grades say I shouldnt. but watevs...we live and we learn...if this all fucks up, ill start believing in re-incarnation...lol
Anyhow...anyone who knows me knows I have a pretty intense relationship with my Blackberry.
Like its really intense. Lets talk about the ways that I know I am.
(some of these things may not be too uncommon...but if this gets boring at any point...ill stop...just say when)
1) I shower and BB at the same time...(seriously I do...when the chime goes off i stick my arm out, give my hands a flick to shake the water off and put my back against the water and type)
2) I can type without looking...(well with my eyes being this small, anything I do is basically me doing it without looking...lol)
3)...
fuck i just realized i bored myself cuz the other reasons arent even funny...
ok...lets go back to emo talks, you guys win.
hmmm....a worthwhile topic...?
Lets talk about women who stay in abusive, deadend, dramatic relationships and refuse to leave and when they leave they usually come back.
Im not sure why women deal with cheating men? lying men? jobless men? uneducated men (not necessarily meaning they had to attend college or university?...ok lets just say dumb fucks.) futureless men? ...its crazy to me, especially when they're a woman of so much potential for so much more.
*fuck, i lost my train of thought, theres this broad talking in class on her phone super loud...telling her friend, i wasnt flirting with Shawn, I was with my boyfriend...school is crazy...OMG what happened?...Im taking off my sweater its so hot....no way?! where are you now?! SHAD AP! im trying to blog here before class starts! AARRRGGHH!!! ...great! my professor is here...u know, the one who dissed my proposal outloud last class...ill be back. lol*
*5 mins later...wow....prof anderson is tearing ppls shit up. "unless your a biologist, I dont see how this could work. You can really screw this project up. You can try it. But just let me say...it doesnt really matter what david suzuki says about community gardens...but good luck (with sarcasm*
*42 minutes later...
Anyhow...Sorry, where were we?
blah blah blah blah...ah...here we are...
A lot of guys have fuckin issues. lol (and women too, but we'll focus on the guys for now)
The things I hate hearing from women is:
"he'll change."
"he has changed"
"hes a great guy tho, you just dont know him."
"no ones perfect."
"we really love eachother."
"everyone has their problems."
"its just that I only tell u about the bad things."
"he juss had a bad temper, but he loves me."
"when its good its really good, but when its bad, its really bad."
"I want to leave but he keeps calling me."
"Nothing comes easy."
"He said that it wouldnt happen again."
"Hes only cheated twice, all guys cheat tho."
I think the biggest problem is, a lot of women dont seem to understand their worth. They think that this treatment is normal, that perfect doesnt exist. Well, perfect doesnt exist...but you can get really close to it.
Something that I always like to remind people is that relationships are voluntary (except in a few cultures). No one is making you date this person. You choose the person you date. In a way its like you volunteered to be with this person. Volunteer to be happy. Dont choose to be miserable.
You cant choose your family members so you gotta deal with them...but as for your bfs/gfs, leave them!
Life is too short to be unhappy and upset. I have barely enough time to love and smile in one day. Im not going to take away the time to be unhappy and upset...voluntarily. Seriously. I value every smile I can get.
Create goals, create plans and work towards them. Some people are too selfless for the wrong reasons and give in and 'love' the wrong people. Its not love, how can you love abuse and being neglected and being treated like shit?
Some people cant leave relationships because they feel this sort or dependency to the other persons company. Ironically, they find a sort of comfort in knowing someone still gives them the time of day...whether it be for happy moments or just for an argument. Some people just need attention...regardless of what kind.
Dont hand out love like its a charity. Dont donate love to where it doesnt belong. Let people earn it. Have some integrity and decency in yourself to know you deserve to be loved, taken care of, considered, respected, appreciated, valued, cherished and understood.
Understand that in a way, the man that you date reflects the person that you are, your ideals, your values and your standards. (Hence why I always walk considerably slower when me and mines are out...cant be embarrassing her...jks...i think...lol)
This is kinda of harsh to say, I cant speak for everyone on this, but my level of respect for a woman depends on how she respects herself. Kinda hard to explain. Like if a woman is educated, independent with a job, dresses proper and has good manners and etiquette then believe me, I aint fooling around. Cuz women like that dont take no shit. To the left to the left! To all the custy ass fella's, you're not irreplaceable! Real women have real standards. Meet them (Im speaking to both men and women)
You decide how much you're worth, and its up to you how to convey that...and I dont mean going around and being cocky and act like your shit dont stink. People need to learn how to invest in themselves. Read a book, become knowledgeable, cultured, get a job, make some money, have responsibility, have goals, morals, respect etc. Trust me. My girl is more precious than gold! lol
No lie. Any guy who raises his hand against a woman but wont even raise his voice against another guy is wack. I know dudes who will yell and beat their women but wont say shit to dudes when theyre confronted. Thats what you call a bitch.
I only urge women, please do not penalize every man that you meet after your bad relationship. Do not treat every guy like they're scum and that eventually they will turn into your last guy. If they can earn your love, trust and security, then at least open up and maybe give it a try. Life is about risks, and relationships are no exception. If you dont put anything into it, dont expect anything out of it.
Everyone deserves a clean slate. You wouldnt want a guy treating you like shit either just cuz his last girlfriends cheated on him and took him for granted. No two people are the same.
And this pretty much concludes today's episode of Dr. Will...
I cant wait to get all the nasty comments about how wrong I am about this one! lol
*will straps on his football helmet and jock....
21 comments:
My brain is about to burst. I can't respond to this now. Damn. Sorry Ill.
oooohhh one thing I was gunna say is its best you don't leave your bb in the bathroom while u shower (let alone take it into the shower), esp if you're into steaming up the room with all the hot water you're using...why?....cuz the condensation can cause liquid damage to your phone...I dunno what phone company you're with but where I'm from your warranty is voided after that happens...
So what do you think about this? Sometimes we need to just let it be. Everyone has to get their heart broken at least once in their lives. It's a requirement. You might experience true love and the magic of it all but you will never know how great that state of being is until you've seen the other side. It might be bitter and cold but you can potentially rise up out of it and be that much stronger because of it; like a broken bone, you can break it once but if you patch it up properly it will grow back stronger. But then what happens to the people who drown after or during a bad relationship and don't want to grab on to that lifeline? I've never had my heart broken and I've had a great relationship once, but I might be one of those people that shut out potential love after a bad experience, lets hope not.
Now a question for you? You say your level of respect for a woman depends on how she respects herself. It's a good policy, but how would you respond to a person who came out of a bad relationship and is closed off to the brighter side of relationships?
Keep in mind what you said later in your blog. Relationships are about risks and we all need to take one. So that abused woman took a risk at one point and got burned badly. Sometimes they might need a little help seeing a brighter future. So is your policy flexible or rigid in this respect? Would you be her glasses or write her off?
The Girl from Chilie, but not really
To my friend from Chilie or is it Chile? lol
Its true. A lot of people do need to get their hearts broken. It is required. You need to know pain to feel pleasure. Sadness to appreciate happiness. Lose it to know you had it.
And to the people who drown after a relationship. I totally understand that. Ive met people who have come out of a bad relationship. Sometimes I dont pursue anything right away because when people are in a vulnerable and fragile state, its usually not the ideal time.
Although the idea of me being a bandaid isnt necessarily a bad thing, ppl usually heal best and most efficiently on their own.
To that woman who took that risk in that abusive relationship, she does need help to see the brighter side. But the thing is a person can only do so much. I can show you the light, but i cant tell you to step into it.
My respect for a woman is in how she carries herself...not with her mental and emotional capacity. Someone was always something else before, and someone will always be someone else later. We're evolving beings. Things change, conditions change, our minds change. Time changes things.
Its not so much a policy. Its always a judgment call. We can call this my guideline, but it isnt my law.
If in my heart, I felt that being with her and making her happy was worth the effort and time, than nothing else matters. My smile has a direct co-relation with the ones im with. doesnt mean im dependent. But sometimes my reward is just seeing her smile...
hmmm still dunno what to say...this comment box can't contain my thoughts...if you haven't already (you haven't? shame on you) chk my post "He's Not Thirsty" in my world...ok? OK...now git!
I liked your answer. & I think its Chile or I could just be a true Chilly Willy fan. A Chillyean, you decide.
Chilly Willy(I like saying that)
:-D
I want to thank you for this post and your honesty.
I just recently broke up with a true jerk about 5 months ago. And I have to say it has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I dealt with an on again off again relationship for 4 years. I finally got FED THE FUCK UP(excuse my language).
I started growing as a women and started seeing myself for who I was, SOMETHING PRECIOUS! I stopped making excuses for him.
I was tired of waiting by the phone on calls that would never come through.
I was tired of waking up to puffy eyes after crying myself to sleep over an argument that he clearly didn’t care about.
I was tired of wondering what he was doing or who he was doing it with..
I just became tired.
I was tired of settling for his BS.
You, Will, are 100% correct in this post. When a women TRULY understands her worth, she won't put up with consistent screw up's. It wouldn't be possible.
The last time I spoke to my ex I told him to get out of my life for GOOD. I said it with no hesitation. Not a tremble of doubt was heard in my voice.
At any other time I probably would have been pitiful and doubted my self in my decision, but 5 months ago it was different. I didn't even shed a tear. I just simply walked away, and DID NOT LOOK BACK.
I am so happy. Beyond what I can explain. You don't realize how UNHAPPY you are until you are out of the relationship and can look at it from a better, more sane POV.
I know what I have to offer. I want 100% back of what I put out. It's just that simple. I use to think that I asked for too much. I didn’t, I just asked for more then he was willing to give....
I am so glad that a 4 year rollercoaster of emotion happened to me. Because I truly have grown so much from it. Im not even bitter. lol
I know that when that right guy comes along, we will appreciate each other so much more.
So I just want to thank you for EVEN MORE CONFORMATION. This was great..
and i just realized i wrote a novel..SORRY!
To nicole,
Good for you. I always thought too many women were too good.
To asked to be respected and treated than more than a friend...or a piece of shit in some cases shouldnt be unreasonable.
I have no problem whatsoever looking after the people im with.
Well for me, the way I imagine things is...what if my stepdad treated my mom like that. What if my sisters boyfriend treated her like that? Ive seen a lot of women go through hell while being in a relationship with a man.
Not to get sappy, but ive cried so many times growing up seeing my mother heart broken and juss bauling on the floor.
For me to act in the same manner would be me saying I agree with the how my stepfather treated my mother. That I agree that my mom deserved that treatment.
Im glad that you were able to finally leave that relationship.
Ive settled for certain women that never really treated me as anything special...we wont get into that one cuz im really bitter about her. lol
with good reason of course.
but yea, good for you that when you cut him off u stayed that way. a lot of people have trouble keeping their words and become weak when they hear sorry and the sob story.
If it wasnt for all of my rough relationships, my girl right now wouldnt mean half as much to me.
I cherish her that much more, because I understand how much better she is than anyone ive ever been with.
You only appreciate the light after you've been in the dark.
and no worries about the long comments guys, i love it. thank you so much for sharing your experiences. this is awesome! lol
PEN PALS FOR LIFE! LOL
i really really appreciated this post! i think what ur saying is so right...and makes total and complete sense...i also really respect your stance on this issue...after my day today and everything running through my mind reading this eased my mind a little...i guess the part i don't understand is...why do guys treat girls like this?...why do people think its ok to treat other people like this?...much less people they they claim to care about...
the part where you say "don't hand out love like its charity. don't donate love where it doesn't belong..." i wish i could begin to go about understanding how to do that...
i agree that self respect is an important thing...and you should never compromise that for anyone...i guess i'm just struggling with being strong enough to be that woman you talk about...but one step at a time right! you definitely helped me take a step in the right direction today after reading this :)
P.S. your posts lately have been amazing...well they're always amazing...but its been really nice getting to see a different side of you...i've seriously teared up readin some of them the past few days...thanks for sharing i really appreciate it :)
My ex and I had this discussion. He believes people stay because they're truly only in love wit that person, but thats a fallacy in my eyes because how can you love someone that hurts you intentionally? I believe people stay for the love of that person. They know they can be loved better and deserve better but they're infatuated with one particular person and are willing to do and accept anything to just be with them. Our opinions sound the same but are very different; homonyms lol. I do believe some scenarios (i.e. infidelity) are worth shelling out a second chance. People are human and they make mistakes, however, once its made don't fuck up again or you're out the door buddy. All in all if none of you can find good men, just borrow Will for a couple days lol........oNe
ive been hurt over and over again and i was one of those women that made those stupid excuses...
young and dumb he took my virginity.. what cud i say i was in "love"
but now I wouldnt ever settle for a man that doesnt treat me well... im tired of the "bad boys" I love my mama's boy, sensitive boyfriend.. and i think they are the best..
just like how you are chilly willy with your girlfriend.. sometimes you are too darn cute!
neways.. thanks for puttin that out here.
to first anonymous since my last comment...i am deeply honored that I was able to make a difference in your day.
I dont know why guys cheat. I have a lotta friends who do cheat and I dont get it. Sometimes they say, its the excitement of being with an unknown person...its the element of surprise..."its just sex" "its not like im married."
I dont know, to me its all foolish. I dont think there is ever a justifiable reason to cheat. Its a mistake. Let these guys cheat all they want...but tell me how they'll feel when they find out that theyre stepfather is cheating on their mother...ur telling me they wont wanna knock the shit outta dude? or if theyre sisters bf was dicking around...they wouldnt knock out dude?
Cheating is selfish in my eyes. Its a weakness. Giving into an emotion of lust and using no reason or consciousness.
People who cheat have a problem. Sex is a hollow thing. Its meaningless. Its for the moment thing. But the cheaters dont realize that their actions affect others. People who cheat, cheat with people who are usually worthless too, or people with no substance...the cheater still needs to come home to someone who cares about them. Because they dont get love from the one night stand or the bed buddy. its odd. no length in my text could properly describe why men cheat...its pathetic yet so complex.
and im sorry to have made u tear.
to kizzy
I agree with you...im usually big victim of sacrificing myself for the person I want to be with. Its a lot easier for me to give my advice and tell u whats right and wrong. But its usually really difficult to swallow your own medicine *no homo
borrow me for a couple of days? lol. Im not even half as great as you think I am. But thank you for the kind words.
to the last anonymous
Thats what I thought to. I dropped the bad boy thing long time ago. I know...you're probabaly looking at me and like...ok will, who did u really scare...lol
I gave it up because the consequences that comes with being a bad boy isnt worth everything else that I had to sacrifice. Ie. safety for my family and people around me, comfort and security.
I thought about what kind of woman I would want...and thought of a criteria so to speak of things she had to have.
And then I thought about what this 'ideal' woman of mine would want in her 'ideal' man...
and I tried to model myself after that. I couldnt expect a 10 and only offer a 5 or 6. If I want the best and dont want to settle, she should be able to get the best and not settle either.
Whether she settled with me or not...I really dont know. lol. But know I had a checklist...and I had to create more categories just for the sake of checking off when I met her. She certainly raised the bar.
too darn cute? I just treat her the way I feel any man should treat a woman he values.
I do my best cuz she deserves nothing less. lol
i guess im the first dude to comment. lol but i could careless, you know me. i was actually interested in your intense relationship with your BB but then you just had to get emo lol.
but seriously though, im glad you put it out there. person should really know what they're worth, rather than putting up with a scumbag who treats em like dirt and hold them back from what they want to accomplish and enjoy. dude, you know my story. i settled for less. never again lol. good post homie. now time for sleep lol.
PS: you're a loser for getting excited for another comment lol.
"I do my best cuz she deserves nothing less"... got some rhymes there do we, lol.
This is def a hot topic, i'd have too much too say, i do all the venting in class since i'm enrolled in that very program. Its a shame on more than half of the stories i hear! And yeah, i def agree with you... Ladies, you are being too hard on yourselves. Learn to understand that you are worth much more. You do not need to put up with any of these things, it might be hard for some of you to walk away... but believe me, it'll be worth it at the end. Learn to keep your head up and confide within yourself, take shit from NOBODY!! And fellas, if you're offended in anyway, well then... change it up! Don't get me wrong, there are good ones out there, but its either they haven't crossed my path or they just hard to find, but until then... i'll hold on to faith!!!
Wow, I woke up this morning and reas this blog post and was ready to tell my story but nicole already did...scary lol.
So now I have nothing to say except I feel you girl and I'm proud of us women who have been through the same and have had the same outcome. And to Dr. Will, a guy can learn a thing or two from you. Thank you for this post.
Here is the lyrics to one of my favourite songs and the song that got me through my last breakup. (sorry Will, I had to do it to 'em)
Alicia Keys
A Woman's Worth
You could buy me diamonds
You could buy me pearls
Take me on a cruise around the world
Baby, you know I'm worth it
Dinner light by candles
Run my bubble bath
Make love tenderly to last, and last
Baby, you know I'm worth it
Wanna' please; wanna' keep; wanna' treat your
woman right?
Not just told, but to show, that she knows she's
worth your time
You will loose, if you choose, to refuse to put her first
She will and she can find a man who knows her worth!
Mmmmmmmmm
'Cause a real man knows a real woman when he sees her (when he sees her)
And a real woman knows a real man
Ain't 'fraid to please her (please her)
And a real woman knows a real man always comes first (first)
And a real man just can't deny
A woman's worth
If you treat me fairly
I'll give you all my goods...
Treat you like a real woman should
Baby, I know you're worth it
If you never play me
Promise not to bluff
I'll hold you down when it gets rough
'Cause baby, I know you're worth it
She rolls the mile; makes you smile, all the while
being true
Don't take for granted the passions that she has
for you
You will lose, if you choose, to refuse to put her first
She will and she can find a man who knows
her worth!
...OH!
'Cause a real man knows a real woman when he
sees her (when he sees her)
And a real woman knows a real man
Ain't 'fraid to please her (please me)
And a real woman knows a real man always
comes first (first, baby)
And a real man just can't deny
A woman's worth
No need to read in between the lines
Spell it out for you (spell it out for you)
Just hear this song
'Cause you can't go wrong when you value(Better value...)
A woman's, woman's, woman's, woman's Worth! (yeah)
'Cause a real man knows a real woman when he
sees her (when he sees her[1st time]) (nothin' like a woman's worth [2nd time])
And a real woman knows a real man
Ain't 'fraid to please her (please me [1st time]) (ohhh, ooh [2nd time])
And a real woman knows a real man always
comes first (first, baby [1st time]) (comes first [2nd time])
And a real man just can't deny
A woman's worth (a woman's worth)
Dear Dr. Will,
LOL. Damn.
I stand behind you 100% with no football helmet and jock on. I take that, no lie, haha. Heard all that bullshit once too many times.
Down with the wack bitch ass dudes who yell and beat women. Please pass me a barf bag cause those fuckers make me sick.
Hooray/shouts to all the real ladies who respect and love themselves. That's where its at...
Your killing it bud. Well said.
P.S.: What would happen if you got an iPhone?
Haha. She had to do it to us.
Nicki83 and Ms.Keys have spoken.
LOL. Amazing. Respect.
like Seven I was also interested on your relationship with BB... obviously cuz i have a crackberry as well..
newayz but when u got on the whole women issue I agree with Dr. Chilly Willy.
The Women that are abused/messed up relationship,etc... their self-confidence is so low which makes them feel like they don't deserve anything better when in actuality they do. I knew girl that got abused all the time... I would get so mad when I saw a bruise on her arm,etc... and actually one day was about to kick that crap out of him and she was like noooo... I just don't get it.
You make yourself happy... don't try to make someone else happy if you aren't happy first.... its like that saying you can only love somebody once you love yourself first...
All issues deal with yourself at first... Only until you can handle yourself, you can handle others.
And woman, not all men are bad, and not ALL are taken (*hint) lol... but same goes for the guys... there are rare, so called diamond in the ruffs (Aladdin... i so love how all Disney classics have great stuff to relate to life) out there... but don't expect to find it anywhere and in any specific time... hence the diamond in the ruff...
Things will just happen when its right, when you least expect it, and when you least try, it turns out the best and the happiest of you comes out.
sorry for the effin' essay...
p.s. will add me to bb...206799C4... wanted to do a photoshoot asap.
I think it has a lot to do with settling. Too often people 'settle' for whats there. I mean, everyone is gonna have people pursuing them and the people they want to pursue, but in a thirst to just be in a relationship, they just go for whoever, they don't weigh out standards, they don't want to analyze their problems. It's also about all you know. Like I find that most women who get in messed up relationships, have a history of negative relationships with men. An abusive father or even something as simple as NOT having a father, so not knowing what to measure their standards up to. My thing is, DO NOT SETTLE - not settling means that you are NOT taking what you get, you are CHOOSING what you want. DOPE BLOG!
No lie. Any guy who raises his hand against a woman but wont even raise his voice against another guy is wack. I know dudes who will yell and beat their women but wont say shit to dudes when theyre confronted. Thats what you call a bitch.
THATS THE BEST EVER. I dont think you could summarize the topic any better than that. MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!!!
Will have you written about this topic from a guy's POV? Just asking...
I know there are some guys who do a lot of wrong, but I kind of hate the misperception that this applies to all guys I mean look at you Will, you're a fucking great guy (lol) and sometimes I think the fact that people say all this stuff about guys being dogs and everything is de-motivation. Why should some try and be so good if everything is thrown in their face. Like when Alicia Keys wrote that song she was referring to a specific type of woman. Hell I think that song should be the definition of a woman, as not every female acts like that. Some are really heartbreakers, girls, game players all this and that frick frack.
I just think sometimes you have to believe and feel. Believe your better than how you've treated sometimes, believe that not everyone (man or woman, girl or guy) is a bad person. I think it all bottles down to respect. Respect yourself first and then others. Like Kanye said a long time ago, "Who's going to believe in you, if you don't believe in yourself?" An investment banker wouldn't whole heartedly throw money into a ill/lacking motivated project...
Men and women are rare in this playground because it seems a lot of "kids" just want to play games...
I don't even know how many things I just talked about and if it's all confused I'm sorry, just expressing something..
Pen pals still??
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