MOOD MUSIC @ SUITE 106

I havent been on a project with the Upper Echelon (Spexx and Dre) in a few weeks now, and man, did it ever feel nice to be back and working with my peoples.
Mood Music is mainly an R&B jam...so fellas come out to catch your bubbles and ladies come out to put it down...
(of course you'll never see me participating...Im too busy shooting, drinking or taking my shirt off. lmao)
Ironincally, I hate clubbing. I always have. The only time I DO like clubbing is when I feel like I know majority of the people in the club or when its a small intimate venue. Its odd. But only then will you see me drinking and eventually walk around in my beater. I like to know Im with my peoples and not with randoms...or else Ill stand by the wall on my blackberry.
I need to know I can yell outloud and be obnoxious and that everyone's laughing WITH me because they know me...as opposed to ppl saying "who the fuck is this chin up in here with his shirt off yelling loud with a camera in one hand and beer in the other dancing and talking to all badass chicks in the spot. Dont he know he's at a black party tonight?" lmao...no lie...thats usually what it looks like...well if you dont know me anyhow.
Last night was one of those nights tho...I had a fuckin blast. Anyone who seen me last night knew I was fuckin shit faced. lmao.

I have a lot of stories about last night...but I aint gonna tell you on the blog. lol Sorry. It aint nothing scandalous and promiscous...dont worry...but it is quite juicy. lol You guys all know me by now. lol

Thanks to everyone that contributed to such a good night for me. You know who you are.

Obviously, these arent all the pics...Im not gonna post all 400+ pics.

Enjoy.

Ps. Anyone who has stupid pics of me being drunk or sprawled over the couch, be sure to post them, I indulge in my own stupidity. lol. And in case you ever wonder why Im always in a beater when Im drinking is because my body gets mad warm when there's alcohol in me...You know Im planning to drink if Im wearing a beater. But Ill never drink if Im not wearing a beater...A lotta people usually check if Im wearing a beater before the night starts. lol True story. As if my light skinned ass doesnt make me stand out as it is, I have to fuckin walk around half naked inside the club. Yea...thats Photo Will for ya...aka Photo Jamal (since Im actually a light skin black dude...well in my mind anyhow)

Shout outs to Tse and Jesse for the first shot of the night that burned my fuckin insides

I see you Vic.

I see you homie.

Seerani

She knew what my fave song was! lol (inside joke)

Shanda...where did the rest of your shirt go? lol.

The meanest girl I know in the world wears a green scarf

lol

Yes, yes! My dudes from highschool. Winston(left) and Big T (right). (you'll remember Big T from my school pics...in the NBA logo tee and shorts)

My dudes, Duane and DJ P-Plus

My brother Dre

If it wasnt for this picture, your face would just be a Haze in my mind. *Will tips his hat

John and Pro

My other brother, Spexx

My face below kills me! lol

Landlord (below) totally fuct me up (no homo)...Id be ok if you didnt make me down the glass of JD's straight...my eyes are small enough as it...after that glass...my eyes were pretty much closed...

Contrary to popular belief, this is my sober face...

Some girl came up to me last night and was like..."I heard if you're in your beater, it means your drunk." I was like "what? Who told you that?"
"A few girls told me that." lmao

After I was doing the body roll to Chris Brown's 'Take you down' I had to stand there for a second and juss regain balance. "My head keeps spinnin', I cant stop having these visions." lol
Its amazing how much more fluid I move and dance when the alcohol hits the system.

What up Chief?! (You'll recognize him from my highschool pictures in a red racing jacket)

Chevy somehow managed to get a squirrel on his head...

He's actually Norwegian...lol (inside joke)

Age Differences and Relationships...

(Above is a picture of Union Station to all my non Toronto readers...its like Grand Central Station...except it aint as grand...lol...the picture also has nothing to do with the post.)

This post is in response to the comment posted on the previous post regarding how I feel about age differences and dating...

Ok...

Lemme go get my glasses, put my knitted cardigan on and fix me some tea...
Gotta get my Dr. Will game on...lol

Honestly...I dont know what my opinion is about age differences with dating.

I usually tend to not date anyone thats 3 years younger than me or older than me...lol
Its a silly rule...but Im sure it'll change with time.
Why? A lotta shit can happen within 3 years. That means we might not have listened to the same music, same cartoon shows, gone through the same fashion eras etc. But things like, different languages, cultures, lifestyle, religion, country of origin and way you were raised all contribute to the differences too...
Generally speaking, I like to date people I can relate to and shares the same interests.
Also you may be at different stages in your life. Like I would be way too intimidated to date a girl who is older than me, has her career started, making money, has her own place and drives a Benz...Id feel like a loser dating her. Even though some people will say I probably shouldnt because shes with me for a reason. But I dont know, Id feel insecure about myself...but thats just me. At the same time, I also couldnt date the girl too much younger than me because Id feel like she'd feel I would be condescending or to know it all and Im sure there are a ton of other potential problems...

I think certain relationships change with certain variables depending on the certain people that I put together.

But these problems not exclusive to age whatsoever.
A lot of people are well cultured, very knowledgeable and very mature at early ages.

Like my baggy pant singer friend, Aaliyah said...'age aint nothing but a number'...but I aint saying that like R. Kelly or Michael Jackson would...cuz they mean something else. lol

Some people know what they want at an earlier age and some people dont until a lot later. If you find eachother on the same page and it works, then go for it. Shoot for the stars.
Relationships are about much more important things...like a real connection, understanding, care, happiness, comfort etc...Not about who's gonna collect their pension first.


But theres something wrong about someone dating a person whose the same age as their child or their parents...thats juss weird to me. But we'll save that for another day.

But a few years diff aint so bad.

At the end of the day, its you in that relationship with that other person. It doesnt matter what anyone says. Just dont lie to yourself. Dont try to make things work because you want to prove anything to anyone. Be there because you want to be. Be there because you care. Be there because you're happy. Not to say "fuck you haters, I can be with a older/younger/ guy/girl/ because Im still young at heart/mature enough to be with him/her."
You aint gotta prove shit to no one.
Aint no one tryna prove shit to you. You'd be laughing at the person tryna live their life for you...and Im pretty sure theyd be laughing at you if it were the other way around.
Date whoever the crack you want. lol
Im sure people say shit like,

'You cant find a woman your age so you find the young naive ones.'
'The women your own age to much for you to handle huh?'
'You're too good for guys your age?'
'You only want a man with money and shit huh?'
'What the fuck do you guys have in common except fuckin?'
'Does it make you feel younger dating him?'

Blah blah blah...fuck the haters. Suck my center nut!
lol
(I dont really have a center nut but no offense to anyone who does...:S )
Let them say what they want, but if they had the chance to date someone older or younger...they probably would. Fuck if they even had the chance to date anyone that they could relate to that wasnt lying, cheating, abusing, disrespecting, disregarding, inconsiderate prick faces, they prolly would. Come on now?! Who wouldnt? As long as its not petaphilia...or really dramatic age differences...its cool.
As long as you guys are both CONSCIOUS and are both in non-forceful agreement to be together...wtf does it matter?

But like I said, just no Michael Jackson or R. Kelly shit. That shits just disturbing.

On a side note, polygamous marriages is damn near weird as fuck to me. Sorry was watching some documentary on TLC the other day...*will cringes

Like Nacho Libre said "I am the gatekeeper of my own destiny" so watch me do me. Beyyyoootch!

And wow, im surprised people ever ask me to write about relationships and stuff. You guys do know Im no pro right? If I was...I wouldnt be single.
lmao

(I dont even know why Im laughing at that last comment...lol)

But is my advice really that affective for you guys to ask me? Do I really have that much credibility for you to pay any mind? This is mind boggling to me, but I aint complaining, Ill blab as long as just one person listens. :)

Ummm...any other questions? lol

No really, Im down to answer anything right now..well not right now...I should probably do my hmwk...but you can ask...and ill just answer when I give up on success? lol

Ill be your groupie baby...

This is one of my fave songs of all time.
I remember sitting in the car with my boys (no homo) a few summer ago when the Confessions first dropped and singing the words to the song and acting out all the lyrics of the first verse. lol
And I also remember saying to myself 'I cant wait to sing this song to someone and sincerely mean it.'

Regardless of all the mishaps and ups and downs I go through I havent given up on wanting to be in love or given up on the fact that it exists.
Some people might be like...wtf is this chin talking about? This dudes soft.

Nah, Im juss keeping shit real. I dont care about what people think about me.
Last of a dying breed.
In a generation where players are glorified and promiscous behaviour has become more acceptable...I am an anomalie. I dont care if no one agrees with me. I dont care if anyone thinks Im foolish and naive. Whatever. I dont care for an empty life of money, fun and material things.

I care for happiness, love and adventure.

Dog me if you will.

Say what you want but being able to love and care for another person is a beautiful feeling, especially when its reciprocated.
There is no gratitude like that of making someone happy and feeling special. To know that you've made their day. That today, they felt like someone else. And today, they felt like that because of you.

To kiss her forehead. To tuck her in at night and blow lightly on her eyelids. To hold her hand while tickling her palm with my thumb. To rub her back. To bathe her skin and massage her temples when she's stressed. Hug her tight and embrace her lovingly. To make her smile, make her laugh and take her to new places. To experience new things and open her mind, letting her believe, allowing her to trust, taking away her insecurities, letting her let go...

having her fall in love with you...

Love, is what I yearn to feel again.

A lot of you wont know what Im talking about at all.
One day you will...or not. Your call.

My life requires a partner, someone to turn to, someone to hold my sanity and sense of self in tact. Remind me who I am and where I come from.
I could travel this road alone, but Id rather hold someone's hand.
Happiness is a lot better when multiplied, sadness is a lot easier when divided.

Some people say, even after all the heart breaks you've been through, you would go through it all again?
Of course I would.
I will willingly head into every relationship and endure every heartbreak and ache if I sincerely felt I would eventually love them and it could be something beautiful.
I just need to believe the potential exists.
I could be wrong, but thats fine.
My mistake will serve as a lesson.
A lesson I will learn from.

The bleeding eventually stops
Scars and its memories are forever.
But all wounds heal.
Pain temporary.

Hopefully your end will justify the means.
But you'll never know, if you never try.
I will gladly take the choice with the high risk of failing as long as theres a small chance of succeeding.

In my eyes, a life without risk is one not worth living.
Life is too short to live it without excitement and fulfillment.

We could all die tomorrow.
If I die, than let me do so with a smile.
I cant play the 'what if' game.
If it feels right, just do it.
If you were wrong,
oh well...

The hands keep ticking.
Time never stops.
Move clockwise.

Keep on keeping on.

Live Love Laugh


Peace.

life is a movie

This post is based on some of the conversations Ive been having with a few friends throughout this week...and I have been saying the same things over and over again. I just thought it would be more effective for me to blog about it than to continuously repeat myself (although I will if necessary).

Anyone who knows me well, knows I love watching movies and I live life through a lens of a camera; seeing things in frames and scenes of a movie. I even have a soundtrack for any given moment in my life playing subconsciously in the back of my mind.

This analogy can be related to almost anything, but to anyone going through heartbreak, translate this appropriately and try to take something away from this. I may be all wrong, but something in here might make sense. And if it does, I hope it helps.

And this is just my perspective, in no way do I feel like I am right or that I know better than any other person. I am merely sharing my views in hopes that it may shed some light and give you some guidance in your time of confusion and trouble.



Life is like a big movie.
A movie where you havent read the full script and you're only acting it out scene by scene.
Everyone has their own role.
Theyre casted to for a certain scene.
Theyre casted because theyre most suitable for it, whether you (the main character) agrees or not.
(To some extent, you were casted for this role too because you were most suitable for it.)
They come on set (your life), spit their lines, play their part, and they keep it moving.
Exit scene.
But the reel keeps spinning.
The movie continues.
Do not hold a character on set for longer than they need to be. Do not extend their role in the film if its not necessary, especially, if they're not prepared or ready for such a large role. Greater roles means more lines, more acting, more commitment. Don't put all that responsibility on a person who isn't ready for it. The big roles belong to the more experienced and better actors or the actors that are meant to play the role. All you end up doing is taking away lines from the better actor and giving it to the not so good actor and risking a shitty performance from them that isn't moving, emotional or effective. The script has been written.

The little things you worry about, is merely a scene in this epic film. This part in your life movie may last only 5 minutes...this person may very well just be a cameo.
If you think the movie ends here, you're wrong. You're maybe only halfway. Sadly enough, this may not even be the main conflict nor the climax of the movie. You'll prolly have to face several more and more intense heartbreaks, depressions, failures, losses, pain, hurt, tears and suffering.
But for everything you go through, your character builds more character.
It gives you more texture and dimension.
Your character develops, creating a better understanding of your role and how to perform it.

Everyone in your life plays a role, everyone in your life has a purpose.
Sometimes it may feel like people just roll through to fuck your shit up, but look beyond that.
Take away the experience and the lesson.
Pocket it.
When a situation arises, take your experience and lesson back out.
Use it to your advantage.
Keep it moving.
There are so many problems in this life for you to have to suffer through, and life is way too short for you to just stall on the same problem.
Keep it moving.
Start working out your other problems.
Get it out of the way.
Struggle is what defines a person.
Without struggle there is no appreciation.
Without appreciation, there is no meaning.
Without meaning, there is no point.

Without a point...what is left?

Happiness is something you earn. Not something you're entitled to.
You will never appreciate something that is free more than what you have sweat, bled and cried to obtain. Some may appreciate anything and everything...but not everyone does.
Your time, effort and emotions creates value.



The way I see things is, there are barely enough hours in a day to smile. I cant waste any of it on frowns.
Spend your time doing what you want and if you cant, then work towards it.

A lot of my peoples are going through really rough patches right now...understand you are not alone. But this is your movie. Its still filming. Production hasnt ended. The full cast has yet to play their parts.
The scene will end soon enough, but the filming must go on. If things get too difficult, just climb back into your trailer. Take a step back to re-read your script. Understand your character. But keep it moving.The longer you stall on figuring out how to act part of this scene, the more you risk the next couple actors leaving the set (and maybe even the movie) and not playing their more crucial roles for later scenes.

Life is a movie.
But unfortanately, not every ending is happy.
Every hero does not save the day.
He doesnt always get the girl.
She doesnt always get saved.

But thats ok...

Regardless of the ending,
Just act your ass off.
Trust the writer and your directors and ask questions and direction when necessary.
Act your character to the best of your ability.
Make it a memorable performance
and just live your life like you deserve an Oscar.


its 541am...If there are typos and grammar mistakes, I apologize...its way too late for any edits.
To all my brothers and sisters with troubled minds, I hope this helps.

Gnite and rest well.


I just wanted to add a couple more points.

What some of us never realize is that some people in our lives are just extras, that theyre just fillers. Or theyre a side plot that sometimes doesnt really connect to the overall storyline.
What you need to do is recognize the difference between your co-star and main cast and the extras and one liner actors. You know at the end when they roll credits and the character doesnt have a name and it says 'girl #2 - Jane doe' or 'waiter #2 - Billy Bob'? ...that may be that person that you're dwelling on.
Recognize who plays the important re-occurring roles in your movie. Focus on the characters that have the biggest impact on your character development.

Everything that happens, good or bad all contributes to the greater meaning and depth to the movie.

Although the script is written, it can still be re-written if you object that badly. But understand the script should only be re-written if its to make the movie better, not just because you dont like it. You're not the only one in this movie. If the plot changes, it affects everyone and their roles. Be careful when making changes and consider what else is supposed to happen because of this modification.

Inside, im sorta laughing because this post reminds me of Entourage. Anyone who watches Entourage knows what I mean...lol

My Life Plan

Its 5am, Im wide awake. I dont want to sleep, so Ive been searching for the past few hours for something to blog and stumbled into this.
I drew this poster back in grade 9 for an assignment.
I dont remember exactly what the assignment was, but it was Career Studies. I think the assignment was something like, map your life and include the things you value most in life.

Most people just drew pictures random floating images of money, cars, houses, playstation, palm trees/vacations, a diploma etc.
I took a different approach to the assignment and created this.
I drew a map of the ideal path for me to live my life. I plotted it all out in order.
Lets break it down.

Click on the pictures to enlarge them if you cant see it properly.

Below:
You can see to the far left side is an image of my mother walking me to school. The reason why there arent both parents is because I was raised by my mother. Beside the school is the basketball court (basketball being my favorite sport) and farris wheel. The court and the ride represent fun, and leisure and its importance to balancing out education and life's responsibilities. Its also beside the school to represent the youth and adventure. That your schooling years should be one of the most exciting and fun times of your life.
There are also a lot of friends outside, and I drew a lot of them in to reinforce the importance of maintaining as many friendships as you can, not just one or two. I still do that to this day.

After highschool and all the fun is done, you start university/ college. The guy in the black knapsack and backwards hat is supposed to be me walking to school.
You'll notice that there's a huge ladder beside the university/ college that leads to a building, which is there to (not really effectively) imply the struggle and climbing that is necessary to have the career you want. You'll notice theres a beach of sorts at the bottom and people swimming and a girl in a bikini...bad symbolism, but the lack of friends there implies the fact that you may begin to lose some as you get older as people's minds, direction and perspectives begin to change and everyone kind of does their own thing to achieve their own goals.

So the flow of the picture below is basically, graduate from school, climb the ladder to reach the job of your desire (the big shiny office building), meanwhile, maintain as many true relationships as you can. Get married after you're established and have the financial, physical and emotional capacity to look after and begin your life with another.
When you're married you should already have a pad of your own. Dont be married and still be living with your mother. Assuming that you and your partner are bother established individuals, you should be able to purchase a big home with a double garage. There are musical notes leaving the house to represent happiness and joy. At this point in time, you should be able to create a family of your own. And you continue to follow the arrow upwards.

Keep following the arrows upwards

Here is a photograph of my family at that point in time...My dad, my stepmom and two brothers, Steven and Jackie. I wanted to stress the importance of family and how crucial it is to have them while growing up and finding yourself.
The fact that my family was in a photograph represented my love for photography, the palette represented my love for art and drawing, and the phone represented my unwillingness to part from deep and long conversations with whomever...which has now morphed into a blackberry.

Once you have climbed up the rest of the hill...you would reach this paradise of sorts...doesnt really look like paradise...but I love the city. So this was my ideal place to be, in the city with bright lights and a giant office building thats marked "W's $" lmao. This would be an equivalent to a cloud 9. The result of all my hardwork and effort would take me to this place...but only after everything else in life was achieved. (a good education, good friendships, graduation, career, marriage, happy family, stable home, success (however defined))

Below is a picture of me...yea...I had long hair. And that green thing is supposed to Vietnam...although it looks more like a blob that thought it was Italy. lol Vietnam was there to represent the important of one's culture and identity. And that was the southside Vietnamese flag.

Believe it or not, Im not too far off track...although Im only halfway through the plan...well sorta. I need to graduate next...but that starts with me doing my fuckin hmwk...*sigh...lol
I still need to find my potential future Mrs. Still need to get a career...get married, have kids, buy a home, build a family, find success, find happiness, find peace, and then find cloud 9...all while maintaining my culture, values, interests, friendships and sense of self.

....ok...so maybe Im not halfway there...but Im working on it. lol

So ummm yea...sorry if this post was boring. lol

Ok, now Im sleepy...lol Nite.

Condo Hunting for Drake w/ Jason R. Johnson...and T-RexXx

So your favorite rapper needs a new condo...

So who do you call when you need a new crib? You call our homeboy Jason R. Johnson. lol
We only checked out 2 condo suites, before Drake found 'the one.' The first suite was crazy...but its nothing like what the second loft suite had to offer.
I just finished editing the video footage...its a bit over 5 minutes long and I wont be uploading it until later on tonight.

I always hate leaving you guys for too long without a post so here are some pics that we took throughout our expedition. Remember I said I had a surprise for you guys today? This is it...well the video is.

Check back in a few hours for the video footage. :)

This picture has nothing to do with anything...lol. I swear. I just liked the ad.

HIGH SCHOOL HIGH

Im doing the way back play backs right now. lol
Im taking you guys back to school, literally.
Above is a picture of me in grade 12 at York Memo. This was back when racing jackets and air brush shirts were in...if you're still on racing jackets and air brush shirts...lol...i wont even finish my sentence.

Below are some pics of me and peoples at Boylen from grade 11. Yea, I liked yellow. And yea that's Dame beside me in the blue shirt with his Roc up. You'll still catch him throwing his diamond up in pictures today. lol And thats Gemini to the left of the picture...the only other Asian kid in school.

Too bad I dont have any pics of the Latina crew at Boylen. Boylen had some smoking ass Spanish girls. Especially Anna! Wow...I dont know what she looks like now, but man, back in high school...jeeze...she was the shit. Hands down, baddest chick in school...at least to me and my ppls. Lol

Boylen was a crazy ass school. School of like 500 kids. Most of the school boards rejects and former juveniles ended up in Boylen. Ive seen some mad shit go down at Boylen. This school was no joke during my stay from grades 9-11.

A lotta crazy fuct up shit went down at Boylen too but Ill tell you guys another time. Im talking about helicopters, special police units, gang fights and fuckers parking their cars side ways in the street to prevent anyone coming in or leaving the block, ambushes, machedees, axes, punching out principals, ambulances etc. Boylen is some fuct up shit! ...Im sure every school had their fair share of bullshit, but Boylen had a very fair share. lol


In grades 9-10, I didnt really do much. I was too busy being chasing and dating Portuguese and Italian girls, so I didnt really have a crew in school(ill elaborate on that story at a later time). In grade 11, I really got back into school and chilling with my peoples.

Random funny memory. A lotta black girls in school used to try to with me saying they wanted to have my babies because they would be such cute light skin babies with nice hair...lol...wtf do I look like? A fuckin gardener? U juss want me to plough up any free land I see and juss plant seeds everywhere and let you bare the fruits of my loom? Lmao

To answer ur question, I wasn't a whore in high school. I've always been a serial monogamous person. I only believe in relatively serious relationships. Whores turn me off...at least when I know they are it does. Lol

There were 4 crews at Boylen. The first was the Spanish kids who hung out by the north end of the hallway by the doors. Then there was the hardcore gangster black kids who hung out by the south doors, blazing all day. Then there were all the nerds who hung out in the cafeteria. Then there was my crew, we stayed in the middle of the hallway in between the gangster black kids and the spanish kids. We were the 'cool kids', ironed Polos, pressed khakis, cuffed jeans, clean AF1s, wallabes or Tims. There were no real sports teams at Boylen, so our crew was basically the Jock crew. lol. There were some bad ass girls that hung around us...but Im gonna have to find the pics somewhere...Boylen didnt have much to offer, but the ones they did were dimes. I promise you. lol

Sometimes, the crew and I would just go into the cafeteria/auditorium and someone would break into the projector room, play some DMX or Jigga on the giant speakers, turn off the lights, turn on the disco ball and we would just bang to that shit during lunch.

But anyways...

Scarves tied over my head, grey khakis and Tims...yes, I is.

This is Angie...and thats my arm that I used to draw on all the time. Ive wanted tattoos since I was grade 4 actually.

That hair...lmao

Below is the baby mama crew. The women to each side of me either had a kid or having a kid. There were a few more crew members to this crew too. lol

Jamie getting a braid up from Krystal in the stairwell...and me in a du-rag...*will cringes

Cisco and I...lol

_________________________________________________________

Now we get to Memo...a school of 1200 kids? I think?...
Like I mentioned earlier, I came to memo in grade 12 for my final year of high school.
There were no white girls at Boylen, but there were at Memo. I was in love Gina's and Spnanish girls in grade 12...so Memo was the perfect place for me...the only problem was, all the white girls considered me black since I sat at the black table and ate chicken wings and poutines all day...so they paid me no mind. bah!

I was the first guy in school with an MP3 player back in 2003...yep, probably because Im asian. But I would have all the new Elephant Man tracks, T.O.K, Wayne Wonder and ...whoever the hell else was relevant at the time. I always had the newest dance hall tracks, Id hook up my MP3 player to the portable speakers and play it in the caf. Tabby, Chief, Brandon and the rest of the Dirty Dozen would wil' out and do their dance routines. Yep, I was that light skin dude.

This was also the same year 50 dropped 21 questions!!! Bom bom!

Dont watch that.

Thats my locker...Im sure you expected more photos on it...lol

Once again, yes this is Shev. We go way back! lol

Only Kemeisha would come to school looking like this! lol

yep yep.

PROM 2002 & 2003

Im taking you back to June of 2002...Prom at Nelson A. Boylen Collegiate Institute.
As if my light skinned ass didnt stand out enough, I had to wear a white suit...(an oversized one...but lets pretend I looked good for 2002 lol)

Above are the dudes I actually still talk to til this day. Beside me (Im the guy in the white suit...lol) is Owen (married), Dame (to be married), Gemini (has a son now) and John (Married with 2 daughters)...lol.

I was actually in grade 11 for this prom, and my date was an O.A.C. student (grade 13 for all you non-Canadians or anyone reading this that may be too young). Thats her below, Kiesha.

you might notice my hair being really long, thats because I was growing it to braid it. lol

I bet you cant find me...yea right! I stick out like a sore thumb...notice Im the only guy staring at my camera.

This is Owen's wife, Shamiran. :)

Jamie, Dame and I...

Yea...there werent many non-black people at Boylen. lol

_______________________________________________________

Now, I take you to June of 2003, Prom of York Memorial Collegiate Institute (aka Memo).
I moved to a new school in grade 12. Everyone who went to Boylen was older than me, and after prom, they all graduated and left to college, university or to jail. lol. So I decided to move to a new school and make new friends.

You'll see me below dateless...lol.
Thats because the girl I was deeply in like with, Sara came separately...why? Because Sara's best girlfriend was coming alone. Why? Because apparently her date sold out...bah. I only cared for Sara...I was pursuing her all year (I was in grade 12 and she was in O.A.C.). I told myself before Prom, if I wasnt going with Sara, I was going alone.
Sure enough, I went alone.

Below is a pic of Rochelle, Ross, Me, Faisal, Yonique, Nef, Shevanne (Yes, I said Shevanne! lmao) and Dezani.

(Below this giant blurb is a picture of Sara) This is Sara. lol. I assure you that my stupid film camera will not do justice to the beauty she possessed as an OAC student.
Let me tell you a story about Sara and how we first met in late 2002. My best friend at the time was Francisco (aka Cisco), we both came to Memo in search of new 'fahachums' (like the FHM magazine...thats the word we made up for what FHM stood for. Fahachum meaning hot girl). I noticed Sara a few times in the hallways in school but never said anything to her because I was new. Didnt know if she had a man. Didnt wanna be beefing with no one so early in the year.
Sara and I were total opposites, I chilled with the black kids in school listening to dancehall, reggae and rap. Dressed in baggy jeans, jerseys, tims, AF1's and big earrings. Sara was you're American Eagle girl who was more conservative and loved the Backstreet Boys. But I had the biggest crush on her. Cisco and I never knew her name, so we just called her 'Pretty Face." lol
One day in early October, I finally come into 'close' contact with her. She was leaving the pizza shop across the street during lunch and I was juss getting there. I nudge Cisco and say "There she is, there she is. Pretty face." lol.
Of course my heart slowed down a little bit and all of a sudden everything around me sounded like it was underwater. lol. We both cross the street walking into eachother's direction. I looked at her quickly and noticed she was looking at me...so I kept looking right into her eyes to see when she would look away. She never did. We walked passed eachother still staring at eachother's eyes. I didnt know whether to look back or not when I had already passed her, but I did. She wasnt looking...at least I dont remember her doing so.

Ive never had game. If girls dont approach me or Im not introduced to them through mutual friends or Im not their partner in class...than I would never know them. lol. So far that issue has actually worked to my advantage.

So one day in weight training class (yea, I used to work out...believe or not), this dude Thomas is like "I know you like her. You want me to introduce you guys?"
Im like "Nah, its cool. She prolly thinks Im a loser."
"She's cool man."
"Nah its cool." (in my mind Im saying, fuck, I hope this isnt grade 7 with Kerstin all over again).

One day after class, Thomas runs outta class early and comes back to find me and says "You know she thinks you're cute right."
I immediately blush. lol
"She does not."
"She just told me."
"Swear to God!"
"Why would I lie?"
"...So now what?"
"Go say hi to her..."
"And say what?"
"Hi?! What the fuck else?"
"...thats weird man, I cant just go up to her and say hi."

He shrugs and says "Well whatever, I did my part, its up to you now."

I stood there thinking for awhile and then walked downstairs to her locker...her locker was in the main hallway. I juss remember all the kids walking passed me and bussling away trying to leave. But everyone was moving so slow mo and blurrily. lol I walked slower and slower as I got to her locker...I closed my eyes really tightly, opened them up and said:
'Hey...you're Sara right?'
'Hey. Yea I am.'
...*awkward silence
'Yea...so sorry, Thomas came down and told you some funny things huh?'
'Yea, its ok.'
...*awkward silence
'You know what, Ill just tell you. I think you're incredibly beautiful. I dont mean to sound creepy, but you are. Im so nervous talking to you right now. I really am. Im shaking.'
(I showed her my hands...and they were really were shaking! lmao No lie!)
*she blushes, tucks her hair behind her ear and continues putting books in her bag.
'Um, well yea...I just wanted to tell you that...'
'I think you're really cute too.'

...





...........


?

"You do?"

...
*she smiles.
*I continue shaking (not violently...just subtle shaking)

'Im getting butterflies right now...Wow! Do I ever sound lame."
*she smiles again
'Well...ummm, can I walk you to the bus stop?'
'Sure I dont take the bus. I live just down the street. But Ill walk you to the bus stop.'

*I smile back and walk with her.
We get outside, and her friends are actually waiting on her. She introduces them to me. Her 2 best friends say
'Wow, we were wondering when you'd say hi to her.'
'lol. Really? Why do you say that?'
'She thinks your so cute.'
*I look back at Sara and she's blushing and telling them to shut up and not embarrass her.
'Really?'
*I blush too
They then go on complimenting me on how I dressed and blah blah. About 5 minutes later, I leave her friends and continuing walking with Sara to my bus stop. I remember this next part like it was yesterday. Funniest and lamest thing Ive ever said.
She goes, "So what are you doing tonight?"
"Ill be on the phone with you if you give me your number..."

LMFAO!

"smooth." she says while laughing.

I really did call her that same night. I dont play that stupid waiting game. We spent 5 hours on the phone talking about everything. The most memorable thing she told me was, that day that I was crossing the street to the pizza store, nudging Cisco says its her, its her, she was actually nudging her friend (who I didnt even notice) saying 'its him, its him'

Anyways, we went on our first date a few days later. I bought her blue roses (so lame) and we watched 'The Ring' at Yorkdale. lol. She laughed through all the scary parts, while I closed my eyes. lol. The rest is history...lol. I wonder where she is now...? lol

Oh yea, when we had to do pretend marriages for family studies, I actually married Sara! lmao I have pics of us walking down the aisle somewhere...gotta find it tho. lol...she actually asked me to marry her...wouldnt that make life for men so much easier huh?


I was only at Memo for a year but I somehow managed to win Class Clown of the Year. lol. I woulda been down with Prom King...but the mix guy won...he was also Student Council President...shit was rigged anyhow.

Yep, thats Shev again with her cleavage. lol

In case you're wondering, those lines on my head are rings around my head. I was trying to do the asian waves. Cut rings around ur head like a beehive and press it down with a du-rag. Layered like waves...you know...like on a black dude. lol...unfortunately, I was in such a rush I forgot to press my hair so my head just looked like a beehive. lol

That's the vice principal below...lol, not a student in case you're wondering.

One of my most fave teachers of all time, Ms. Turner. I still visit her every 2 months or so. Dont watch her tan. lol

We didnt rent a limo...we came in the drop son...thats how we do it out here on Eglinton West. lol

Yea I Copped It

I spent damn near 40 doll hairs (including taxes) on the 3 disc special edition of WALL•E and another 12 doll hairs on the 808's and Heartbreak album...Im pretty Ye'd out (no bayday) but I had to cop anyways to add it to my collection of Ye, yo. lol My fave tracks are still Say You Will and Bad News. And make sure you guys go watch Wall-E! No joke! And make sure you have company when you do!

Ummm...I really dont have anything to blog...I have video footage of the guys playing that coin tossing game at Remix today while the new Drake mixtape was playing in the background...but
Im still deciding if I should blog it...the music is good...the footage is boring. lol

I have a very interesting post for you guys tomorrow. If everything pulls through that is...

Lets see...what can I talk about tonight...I havent typed anything on this blog since forever. I havent been really inspired by anything in particular thats been blog worthy. I know I said Id drop those posts I listed a few posts back, but I aint amped so I cant write. lol

Aha! I know...gimme a few minutes...Ill blog some nostalgic stuff. lol...yea...yea!!! lol

DJ TILT'S BDAY @ ROCKWOOD ON A MONDAY NIGHT?!

Yes, you are correct...these pictures are from a Monday night in Toronto.
Who says M-O-N-D-A-Y - S-U-C-K-S?

Vince, Son (Jason), and I were blazing down the highway pumping some hardcore oldies like 'Let Me Down Easy' by Betty Lavette...thanks to a kind friend :) (youtube that track if you havent heard it!)
We met up with Wristpect and Lancelot at the venue. Addy shows up an hour later out of the blue and just before last call, comes Fresh.
It was my man DJ Tilt's barf day so we headed out to Rockwood, a small spot on a small street.
I wont say too much more, ill let the photos speak for you :)

Happy Birthday Tilt!!! All the best to you!
Off to bed for me...its 445am...

Thanks to Nelcam (right). Good looking out!

Lance is rocking a necklace and a pendant??? What are you black now? lol

What up to DMR hair studios!

Meet 4 korners..Mr. Toronto Raptors DJ. lol

I didnt really like the bartender...but all I hear is T-Pain everytime I see a bartender...no homo

Vince, the birthday boy himself, Tilt and Son (Jason)

ummm...

Make out # 1

J Diggz was in the hizzouse

I know, I know...She's in the Im Still Fly video...dont worry, you'll see her again.

'Melanie!' says Vince (lmao)

Indeed, thats Jack Flawless

lol

make out # 2

Yep...all this on a Monday night...

*Will Blushes (no homo)

I check my Stat Counter everyday to see where my hits are at and occasionally, i check my recent visitors map (where my visitors come from)...I dont know what kind of intervals this map goes in, (in terms of the time periods my readers are documented on the map) so if you're from somewhere else thats not here, Im sure there's a reason for it.

Anyhow, the first thing I thought when I seen this map was how much I wanted to say thank you to everyone for their continued support and love. I know I like to psycho babble and what not...but thanks for listening anyways. lol. And dont worry, those posts I promised are still on their way. Ive just been mad busy with other things.

Once again, without psychobabbling again, thank you ever so much from the bottom on my heart. Dont worry...if anyone ever creates a bloggin award...and I win in some random category, Ill be sure to thank you guys all at the podium...and maybe go on a world tour to blog every one of my readers!

HEY! That wouldnt even be a bad idea. Although Im sure there wont be too many readers to blog about...Id still try. lol
PS. to anyone in the states, the team and I are planning to tour...for what purpose or cause? We have no idea yet...but you will be notified with a when and where.

Peace and love

BEHIND THE SCENES: IM STILL FLY video shoot

IM STILL FLY BEHIND THE SCENES from PHOTO WILL on Vimeo.

As you guys all know, the team and I (Bryan changed his mind last minute and decided to reach) all rolled out to the video shoot for the Im Still Fly by Page feat. Drake directed by Lil X
I didnt feel to take pics with my SLR, so I just pulled out the point and shoot and recorded some video footage. Oliver posted behind the scenes pics on October's Very Own anyhow, so you can check that out.

Shout outs to my boy Fresh, his new online clothing store GetFresh.ca (the site's not running yet but I will be pushing it heavy soon) and for styling the video (along with the Bossy Girls and Oliver). He's the one taking me on the tour in case you didnt already know. You'll hear him throw the website drop line every few seconds. Fresh is one the biggest hustlers I know, but you'll get what I mean. Real proud of you, homie.

I didnt arrive on set until 20 minutes before the crew and performers were done and getting ready to run over to the club for the next scene.
The whole team and I werent all able to make our cameos in the club scene but Wristpect and Lancelot did. lol (Ironically, Wristpect likes the camera the least out of all of us). You'll also see T-RexXx in there too stunting with the galoshes. Ow! There were too many important faces and too little space on set for everyone to all get their shine but its all love.
I left with Addy and Bry shortly after midnight while they were still filming the club scene.
I have footage from the club too but I cant be spoiling everything for you guys. Come on now. This isnt Entertainment Tonight...or is it? lol

I swear to god, this track is the city's international anthem! Its over when this video drops!
Cant wait for the finished product.

ps. i know you're wondering why I played Kid Cudi in the video...I dont have a reason...I had to reformat my computer 2 weeks ago and lost all my music and I was too lazy to re-download Im Still Fly...and the soundtrack was also a dedication to Fresh (no homo) because he was on that set working Day and Night...since 7am...when I left at midnight he was still working. Paper chasing. We gets it in.

pss. The girl that Fresh said had beautiful lips...tisk...too bad the lighting was bad, cuz she was bad! But you'll see her in the video riding shotty with Drizzy. And sorry if I missed you in my footage Nadia...:( you were too busy being hot and I didnt wanna bother you. lol Watch for the blonde girl in the orange dress in the actual video. :D Of course anyone else that I didnt catch on cam was because they were too busy running around working.

psss. Really now Drizzy, could anyone ever make you lose fans? Readers, please tell Drake the blog isnt killin the fanbase! lol Come on now! lol and its funny how Drake says "Can I juss say HI to you first man?" ...Whenever I have the camera in my hand, I forget Im actually THERE...its like watching TV...you dont respond to the TV, you just watch. Or it could be due to my lack of sleep. Im always running on zombie mode. lol

'IM STILL FLY' VIDEO SHOOT

Tisk, I need to do my hmwk, but the team (Addy, Bryan, Wristpect, Lancelot and Fresh) and I have to head out in to the Im Still Fly video shoot right now. Fuckin' a. Bryan might not be able to make it out tonight, so we're all gonna wear an IDEALL tee to rep him.
Congrats to my boy Fresh for being one of the official stylists on the payroll. Bom bom!

If you're lucky Ill post some behind the scenes stills and video footage.

See y'all in a few...

FRED AND SUSAN'S WEDDING

Its 6am...I finally finished sifting through the 2000 pictures that I took from Saturday 8am - Sunday 1230am.
Of course I woke up late and didnt get to the bride's house in time. I slept only for 2 hours and drove uber quickly to get there.

Before I go any further, lemme just say congratulations to Fred and Susan on probably the happiest day of their lives. I know I didnt get a chance to say anything to you in person but know that you are extremely fortunate to have found each other at such a young age, but most importantly, I congratulate you on finding love. I wish you guys all the best, and hey Fred, you're gonna be the photographer at my wedding ok? lol

It may be due to pure ignorance on my part, but whenever there are a crapload of asians in one area, all I can think about is my favorite Hong Kong triad (mob) movie series "The Young and the Dangerous" (Highly recommended by the way. Those are OG Asian Mob movies. Every Asian gangster has seen those movies). But then again, the Groom and his party are all RP Chins. lol

The day starts off for me at 8am...I reach the house to take pics of the girls getting ready. Around 9am the boys get there.





There's an itinerary that the Bride is supposed to follow. Susan wasnt ready on time...maybe on purpose, so the bridesmaids made the grooms men play some borderline homo activities to stall. There's also a rule that the guys cannot come into the bride's house until $999 has be given in portions in the lucky red money envelope (lai sei...however the hell you spell it). Of course the $999 was never paid up...but $99 was given...lol
The first one activity was to use your mouth to pass the seaweed paper to the next man...*twitch
The next thing was two of the guys had to brush their teeth for 30 seconds with wasabi...

And then solve a math question and state the significance of the answer

Then put a diaper on Jimmy...lol

To prove Fred would be a good father, Duy Nanh had to sit on his lap. Fred had to put a bib on him and feed him strawberry jam with sour cream...

Thats P handing off another lucky red envelope of money...(PS. Red is goodluck to the Chinese and Vietnamese)

All the guys had to get a piece of their legs waxed to understand the pains of a woman...? lol

Fred had to eat something hot (a jamaican pepper), bitter (ginger), sour (i forgot) and sweet (maple syrup) to prove he was willing to endure the hot, bitter, sour and sweet times of their marriage...but since Fred said he was allergic to everything...Peter did it all for him. lmao

Fred and the boys had to serenade loud enough to get Susan out of her room...so they sang that Boyz II Men song..."close your eyes, make a wish..." (forgot the name of that song)

They even made the chin do push ups! *Will kisses his teeth

They then start a tea ceremony which I didnt post any pictures of. Basically what happens is that Fred and Susan have to serve tea to everyone of their immediate family elders. They bow as they serve, and the elders bow as they receive it. The elders sip it, say some kind words and hands off money in the lei sei. Chinese and Vietnamese people dont give gifts for weddings, its usually always monetary gifts only.

Dont know if you can tell, but this lobster is probably as big as your thigh! No joke! That lobster is probably around $80 from the menu...

A bottle of Hennessy is placed on every one of the 30 tables.

My lil brother, Mike and I.

Free booze?

Aint no Asian restaurant complete without a golden good luck cat thing and some lucky bamboo!

We kept losing track of time...

Family

Meet K (Kevin)...you'll never see him sober...ever. Either ripped as hell or drunk as fuck.

I dont remember the bridesmaids names, but this was Jimmy's entrance. The intro music was Rick Ross - 'Hustlin' lol Swear words and all. There's a lot you can get away with in terms of musical selection when the majority of the elder's dont speak English. lol

Sheena and Peter...entrance music was that old school track..."Candy"

I dont know what the hell Duy Nanh had playing but it was Too $hort...and we know what he raps about. lol

My cousin Khanh came in with Jigga's 'Im a Hustla'...do we see a sort of pattern here?

And here comes Fred and Susan.

I love the picture below.

They had to pop the balloon without using their hands...

Henny, coke, tea or a heinny?...if you know me...you know I would be draining that tea...I even pop tea pots in the club son! What chu know about that?

Jimmy is a messy eater...he refused to throw any of the lobster skin on his plate...he juss whipped on the table...when I asked why not just leave it on your plate...they'll just take the plate anyways, he responded with, their services have already been paid for. So they need to work for their pay now. lol...fuckin asshole. lol

The best men speech, Khanh and Duy Nanh. These two clowns had the most nonsensical speech Ive ever heard. They both decided not to write anything down nor rehearse. The game plan was get wasted and wing it...so of course they Khanh said "Mother fucker", "Fuckin Shit" and a bunch of other swear words during his speech...all he ever really said was "Fred, I fuckin love you, and Susan you look good today. Like real good today." lmao

K tried to catch the bouquet. lol

and Peter catches the garder! lol "Haha! Im gettin married next bitches" says Peter on the mic. lol

Regent Park and Sauga up in this bitch!

I didnt leave the wedding reception until 1230am...

and fuck its 7am...Ive been up for 24 hrs with only 2 hrs of sleep...

Im outtie.

PS. DID I MENTION IT WAS $850 PER TABLE x 30 TABLES = BALLING!!!

3AM UPDATE!

I just got home from work...

This may be surprising to some and not to many others...

But I just came back from Tonic where I was doing the photography for Dancehall Fete 7.
yea yea...lemme know when y'all done laughing.

The first thing everyone says is...'wtf? they hired an Asian guy for Dancehall Fete?'
Damn straight they did. I know more reggae tracks than most DJ's or black people...or even a black DJ! You dont know about me. When I get to My Origins: Part 4, you'll find out I was one bad ass light skin black boy. Word to yo motha! I know all the reggae moves too...but dont watch that, you'll never see me bussin a reggae move in the club unless Im piss drunk...lol. But ur more likely to see me pass out on the floor or couch if I was piss drunk.

Its 3:42am, and I gotta be up by 6am to get to the other end of the city by 7am...and work until 2 am...wow...

I need to sleep...right after this blog!

First of all, I wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded to the 'my turn' questionnaire from yesterday. I am very flattered and honored that you guys even took the time to fill it out. Its so cool (for lack of a better word) to know what kind of people are interested in my nonsense and to know how far my words have reached on a geographic level.
So to everyone who took the time to answer those 7 questions, my deepest and sincerest thanks. It means more to me than you know. Know that I smiled after every response to that post (well every post but that one especially.) I did read and make note of every answer. Thank you so so so much. I will do my personal best to keep you guys interested...as long as I dont lose myself doing so.

And to answer you, I have a couple posts on the way...in what order they'll be finished...I dont know...But here's the list.

1) My origins: part 3 (quite possibly the darkest and most painful chapter of my life...so far)
2) Dating Etiquette (From the first date to the first week of officialization)
3) The Premium P Theory (An in depth look of the inner P-ness. lmao)
4) Perceptions and Sexual Performance...(this is quite entertaining...I promise. No perv)
5) Photographer Pet Peeves (The things that drive me off the wall while working. Video blog)
6) Rock Star Music Video (Seven and I are gonna re-dress up in our Halloween costumes and rock out with our cocks out...not literally, and no homo)

So stay tuned for that schmuck.

Lastly before I pass out on my keyboard...Bryan claims he has evidence of Nebby and I and our secret affair. Do you really believe Bry? *will loosens his collar

CLICK HERE FOR HIS SUPPOSED EVIDENCE

Im off to bed for 2 hours...I have a gimoungous day tmr...Gnite.
AND THE YEEZY ALBUM IS STILL CYCLING IN THE RIDE!!! He better win a Grammy for this bad boy!

IDEALL CLOTHING: NEW COLLECTION UPDATE

My bro Bryan is about to drop a fuckin bomb on you guys! Be sure to keep checking the online store...His new collection of tees are about to be released, make sure you guys check it out and support the movement.

Wait til you find out his plan for next year for IDEALL clothing...then you're gonna wish you had these Tees from the beginning because if you dont, you'll feel like a band-wagoner. My bro is a legend in the making. No pulp. All juice. No bayday (No homo in Vietnamese).

Cooking Up Some Shit...

Im working on a new post...

I think its gonna be pretty interesting to read...

Its called "Dating Etiquette"

You know you can always count on me to blog about some bullshit and say something thats dumb.

Its 5:28am now, Ive merely started the intro for that post but it may take another 4 hours to write, so Ill finish that tomorrow when Im at Remix.
This post may be calling out a lot of slack boyfriends and girlfriends or potentials. So you may wanna hide my blog from them if you know uve been slacking, cuz you will be put on blast. Im sorry if some of you guys can relate...no one in particular. Just a generalization. lol
I feel a lot of arguments on the rise after this post...but its cool. We all deserve the best...why settle?

lol

Word up. Im tryna change the game and set some standards here for Gods sake. This is for you! Maybe reduce a few broken hearts, build stronger and more meaningful relationships? Maybe? Dr. Will? Hitch? lol

Idealist? Yes...but I also believe in treating a woman with respect and of course, I still believe in love and having the proper foundations for a relatively successful and happy relationship (although that is debatable and up for interpretation). Im just tired of miserable damaged people and bad relationship experiences. Consider this my contribution and my minor attempt to help where I can...lol (Obviously I dont expect to change the world with this, bring us back to the 60's and having us smoking up in a tie dye VW mini bus with a peace sign painted on the side, listening to Hendrix, but if I can change the relationship of just one couple, my job is done. Dont penalize me for trying).

Anyways, I have a massive weekend coming up full of gigs from clubs, to weddings to night photoshoots with Dodge Vipers. I need to rest...

PS. THE YE ALBUM IS FIRE!!! I CANT STOP LISTENING TO IT! Say you will and bad news is crazy!!! Im not sorry, cuz I mean to rub it in.
lol

...I Wish I Could Think of a Clever Title...

Its 5am...and Im still blogging.
I have the full 808's and Heartbreak album right now and Im blasting it in my basement. I know a lotta people are dogging the new sound...whatever! Ye is the shit. The album is killer...and all the leaked songs that you've heard are actually quite diff on the album...but I dig. Id pass off the zip file of the album...but nah...lol. You'll have to line up just like me and the other thousands of people on Tuesday. :)

Anyways, meet Linda...she thinks shes hot stuff...not quite. She be aite..lol
You might remember her from the Drake and T-Rexxx krumping videos that I posted awhile back. Shes a singer...she sings songs...which would make her a singer.
womp womp. lol
Check out her myspace page, Linda Luztono

No lie, her voice is amazing. And dont judge her based on these photos, shes a humble and sweet woman. An honor to know, to say the least. And her jokes are pretty good...lol

She doesnt really have a blackberry, thats mine. So dont be messaging her for her pin. lol

ummm...

Brock...he never found the hat that he lost at the lost in the willderness & ovo party...

This is HustleGRL...one of the busiest and most ballin' 16 year old hustlers you'll ever meet.
A huge fan of Drake and the colour purple...She even drinks the grape Crush...She's dressed as if every day is game day. Meet Karla aka HustleGRL aka Game Day

My Turn

By far one of my most favorite things about this blog is the interaction myself and my readers...

Now we sure know a damn lot about me, but its my turn now, so lets get to know you a little more.
I have some questions.
So I guess...if you care to, Ill write down some questions.
Dont worry, none of them will be too personal, its just to get a better idea of who my readers are...at least the more frequent ones anyways.
You can copy and paste it into the comment box and just answer it there.
This might be interesting...or completely boring, either way, we'll find out.

1) Where are you from? (city)
2) How did you find my blog?
3) How often do you read it?
4) Photos or writing? or both?
5) What is it that interests you about the blog? What keeps you coming back (if you do)?
6) What would you like to see more or less of on this blog? What would make it better or worse?
7) What is ur perception of me based on what you know about me so far? Just a general opinion of who you think I am and how you feel about me.

Im not fishing for compliments so do not feel obligated to bullshit. lol
I guess this is all I really want to know without it being too tedious for you to answer and creeper of me to ask. lol
You can be as honest as you please...just dont be too nasty. I am still human.


This is merely to feed my curiosity
And yes I am aware that curiosity is the leading cause of death for cats...

Im Back Like The Future

The picture above is a good analogy of what Ive been in the last lil while...

Unfocused.

Ive spent the past 2 days just taking it easy and breathing. Enjoying the simple pleasures of life, Remix and good friends.

Thank you to everyone for the phone calls, the BB msgs, Facebook msgs and blog comments.
*Will tips his hat

Oddly enough, I havent craved to blog in the past 2 days...but I think Ive been away for long enough and judging by the visitor counter...a steady number of readers have still been visiting...maybe by accident, or maybe waiting on the a new post.

Either way, heres my welcome back post.

Ive done a lot of thinking and realized that...

I am who I am
and I am who Im not.

I can only be me.
I cant be anyone for anyone.
I can be me for me.

Ill never change.
This is me, everyday.

I was never really gone.
I was never really away.

The past 2 days was merely a pit stop.
We all gotta pull over at some point to refuel...
But Im Fueled up.
Back on track.
Shifting gears.
Pedal to the floor.



see you at the finish the line.

My Sincerest Apologies...

Call it courage or call it cowardice...

For once, i might consider calling it cowardice.

Ive gotten too comfortable on this blog.
Ive been on a bit of a ranting rampage and speaking a bit too freely about my emotions.
Ive spent so much time describing this emotional rollercoaster Im on without realizing how emotional this rollercoaster actually is.
I rant about how stressed, hurt and fuct up I feel and how its my right to feel this way because Im human...


but Ive somehow managed to forget that the things I may write about, although not intentionally about anyone, affects someone. I keep forgetting that they're human too.
That although I speak in general about my thoughts and what comes to mind, not everyone thinks like I do and will interpret my writing as I intended.

I wont lie, this past month has been quite troublesome for me. Its started off horribly and only got worse with each passing day. The more that I keep ignoring my feelings, the more insensitive I start to sound and the more of an asshole I start to look like.

Ive gone quit cold, careless, inconsiderate and heartless about a lot of things in the past few weeks.
Ive become easily aggravated and easily to start fights with.

I started realizing my financial issues, my falling out with certain friends, misunderstandings with family members, people questioning my intentions and character, lack of focus in school, dissatisfaction with almost everyone and everything around me including myself, and a loss of motivation and drive...

I know I know, 'Worse things happen to better people.' (Thanks Milana).

It doesnt mean its not hard to deal with...
It becomes very tedious to carry on and just slug it out when everything seems to be working against you. Every day is another NEW problem.
You dont know whether to carry on and see what you gain, or to slow down to salvage what you've lost. Its always a gamble, but Im trying my best to be as responsible and careful as I can at the table.

I would just like to take a moment to sincerely apologize to anyone that I may have offended (unintentionally) within the last few posts Ive dropped. Although I can sound cold, bitter, harsh and downright asshole like...I didnt mean to act so sour and air you out. The recent chain of events have hit me quite hard...a lot harder than I thought it did. Its no excuse for my behavior, but it is the reason for my behavior. Once again, I try to keep things as general as possible (well most times), but at times things can be translated to be very personal. I understand and I am sorry.

Thank you to Mon for yelling at me and calling me selfish...

Im just in a very unstable space right now.
I need to stop for a second, forget the things I dont have and re-focus on what I do have and work on that. I have so many wants and so many goals that I need to maintain and achieve, but Im constantly getting side tracked with the side missions. Im trying so hard to be good at everything and have only ended up being good at nothing, nevermind great at anything.

Ive been having a very difficult night knowing that Ive become the very same cold person that I loathe...that Ive been trying to avoid. Im shutting down a lot of opportunities and closing a lot of doors due to my past issues. I need to learn to let things go and keep progressing, that everyone and thing deserves a clean slate...but at my own pace of course.

How much longer can I stay strong before the world that I keep trying to hold together tumbles and falls on me?
I hate the fact that people have let the negative things in their life define the person that they are, the way they act and feel. That people have become so jaded and pessimistic. I hate that...and Im realizing more and more everyday how much Im becoming that person and losing myself...I fucking hate it.

In my opinion, to give in to my emotions is a weakness of mind and heart...but at the same time Im starting to lose all mind and heart and feel as if Im becoming the way I once was before...so what is this a weakness of?

?

I feel terrible...its 4am...and I still feel the need to rant and vent...

Im sorry to everyone that Ive let down, and to everyone Ive hurt. I really am...
I could be sleeping now...but its important that you know whats on my mind.

I need to figure out another way of channeling my negative and more personal emotions.

Thank you to everyone's whose been up talking to me day and night on BB or the phone and just hearing or reading me flipping out and throwing tantrums and then having to hear me laugh again as if nothing happened. lol. I can imagine it being quite weird...but thank you.

Im just going to relax for a few days...Im really gonna try to cut back on posts...sorry to everyone else who may be wanting more posts, but understand this moment of reflection and assessment is well overdue.

Its amazing how much I can write during times of high emotions, frustration and pain, but I need to show a lil more restraint in the feelings I express and be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of the reprecussions and the people it affects. Although this is my blog, this is not all about me.





Without change and without pain, we dont grow. I need some time to properly adjust and to properly heal.

I have a lot of thinking to do...


But ill let my silence speak for me...



Goodnite.



Got this track on repeat.
I cant stop listening to it...

PS. I guess this is a good time for everyone to actually scroll back in time and catch up on the blog...there are 300 posts that go all the way back to July. Ill talk to you guys soon.

You Know What Its Like?

Its like getting the job as the mail boy at a large well respected company that you've always loved, but knowing that you want to be the boss. You're willing to work your way up the ladder, learn the skills, get the credentials, putting overtime and killing your weekends. Because you want it that much, because being boss means that much to your life. You cut off all other part time jobs you once had to focus your time and attention on perfection. To show that you deserve the position you've got your eye on.
So a year or whatever goes back, and after all you're hard work, you get promoted and you get your position.
You're working, everyday, always on time, never calling in sick, never playing hookie, helping everyone else in the office, going beyond your tasks and duties, you're getting praise and recognition for your work. You're taking the company to places its never reached with previous bosses. Introducing the company to new associates and connecting them with your former networks. Keeping the business first and a priority, taking care of it and making sure the company is secure and safe. Investing time and money. Making sure everything's on schedule, takin it international when you need to. Taking all the advice and comments to heart and making sure everything thing runs smoothly. Revising and implementing the proper modifications. And as tough as things get, you'll stick duke it out. Because its not just about you. Its about the elevation of the company. Its no longer a chore, its exhausting and tiring but you want it that bad. You truly believe that the end will justify the means.

and then...

you get a letter saying...whatever whatever...there was a mistake of sorts...sorry things arent working out the way the company intended. The companies not ready for the direction, even if its a good direction. Theres still too much at risk and the company is not secure enough for the venture and the time, so before things get outta hand, we're gonna demote you and we're gonna send you back to mail room...


...

All my work is undone, forgotten and steered elsewhere. All my efforts and time will be forgotten and everything re-revised to the way they once were. Im supposed to head back to the mail room and be ok with it...all my benefits and rights are taken away and my job now is to just sort out mail...

Am I supposed to stay here and settle with the mail room? Am I supposed to know that I was once in a luxurious and beautiful office working amongst great and inspirational people and now Im brought down to the shitty, dark ass, miserable little mail room with lowlifes. Am I supposed to find satisfaction in this? Can I really go from the leather executive seat to the wooden stool?

Im overqualified to be a mail room boy. Sorry. I quit...

Ill find a new job...where Ill be hired and be valued based on my worth and my ethic. My experience and my attention to detail. My credentials and my reputation. Ill take that and walk. My integrity and self respect is on the line.


Ill drop you the 2 weeks notice on your desk.


...I know where I belong. I know what I deserve. I know my salary expectations and what I demand in benefits. Ill settle for no less than I request. Whatever you give me...Im still giving more.

Im a workholic...I rarely quit...I usually just wait to get fired...quitting is usually not an option. I drain myself to prove my worth...I just need to know I tried.

Id rather take the option with the high risk of failing and the slight chance of succeeding...

than to never try, and never own this memory and experience...

We all fail, but its what we do with the lessons we learned that is crucial to growth...

Stand.
Fall.
Get up.
Walk.

My heart and mind speaks nothing but honesty and truths

Dont be fooled by the smile on the surface...
A different and deeper emotion lies beneath.

This is my analogy for something else. Has nothing to do with jobs and careers. You'll figure it out if you know me and you won't if you don't.

The Case of The Ex...?

(This is not about anyone particular at all whatsoever. This is juss how I handle my shit and deal with exes. Just to clarify and eliminate misunderstandings. This is solely to respond to the request of a reader on my opinions about exes. This is how I deal with it. I'm not a heartless dude, I'm juss honest. Ill juss say the things you won't and call it what it is. It my raw and harsh, but I don't know how to tell u any other way.So to my exes, this is not to put u on blast. Just know if I treated u this way, u weren't the only one, this is just protocal and how I go about it. Don't take it personal although it may sound so...It may sound like you, but you weren't the only one who broke my heart. It may sound like u, but weren't the only one that cheated one me, I may sound like you, but u weren't the only one I split with on mutual terms. Don't be so naïve to things its about just you (if u are). Its not. I wouldn't call u out in public. U already know I talk about all my issues and concerns in person. I just wanted to let u know is all, this isn't about u or u; just for the record)

wow...
lol

Someone just asked me to write about my opinions about being friends with ex's and my views on it.

Wow...lol

Ok...Im not sure if there will be any structure to this answer...(as if theres any structure to any of my posts) but ill try to answer it as truthfully and honestly as I can..AND ONCE AGAIN! THIS POST IS NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE! lol...snap guys!

lol

OK...*phew

I tend not to be friends with my ex's. I rarely talk to my ex's for several different reasons.
Lets break them down to types of break ups or something...Ill have to wing this shit.
But I guess to all my ex's who wonder why I dont speak to them...now you know...


Ok...to the exes who cheated...*Will hoarks.
To the exes who used you...*Will hoarks
To the exes who took advantage of you, lied, deceieved, used and took you for granted...*Will hoarks...

(Wow...I just noticed this post might get a bit nasty...beyond just the hoarking)

I dont talk to any of those broads/exes no more. The way I see it, if I remain friends with you, you win. Yea yea, you might say Im just on an ego trip or a pride trip (pause), but I dont give a shit. (lmao...I just wrote a giant paragraph and deleted it due to the vulgarity of the content)

*Will exhales

Ok...Ive been staring at the screen, pacing back and forth for the last 2 hours and even went upstairs to do some emotional eating (2 kit kats, 2 pizza pops, 2 glasses of milk and one cookie) while figuring out how to write this post without sounding like I just got my heart crushed by ______ when I was 15. lol

Simply put, they had their chance, if they didnt care about me then, why care about them now. Karma's a bitch. I dont care if you've changed and become a better person. There are consequences for every action, and people need to learn to deal with their mistakes. I dealt with mine when we first broke up...so its ur turn biatch! lol
I just dont want them having the satisfaction of being able to be with me when they wanted, then being with someone else when they wanted, treating me ill when they wanted, then leaving me when they wanted, and then wanting to be friends with me when they wanted...
That means she got everything she wanted...fuck that.
Im a nice guy, but I aint a doormat.

Of course, exes always wanna come back when they find out your doing better now than you when you were with them. Its like shit "I didnt know this Chin had it in him to be like that, shoulda never left him. My dude aint shit." Damn straight!

After 2 certain relationships where I felt my exes did me wrong, I ignored them for years. Didnt say hi at the clubs, didnt mention their names and didnt even make eye contact...as if they didnt exist. Yea Im an asshole...

Fortunately, I have some self respect, humility and integrity...If I aint got nothing nice to say to you, I wont say anything at all...Ill prolly just talk shit behind your back or something when someone brings up your name. True story. I should say it to their face but I usually dont like giving them the time of day, Id rather just make them feel invisible and give them the cold shoulder. Im a cold guy, I should drop the case sometimes...but sometimes, Im just a prick. lol Believe it or not (some people know how much shit I talk about these 2 particular exes)...I only care for the people who really care about me...but Im quite nasty to people who have wronged me.

Sometimes you gotta cut them off so they can burn (Im so evil), so they can feel what life is really like without you. So they can feel dumb and watless. That they had someone good and they blew it all away. Sometimes if you forgive them and remain friends, they wont feel the loss, because they feel you're still there and vulnerable. Meh...not me.

I remember when an ex and I broke up, she didnt know I was gonna cut her off. I still gave her a chance to be with me and what what. But she wanted to do her thing. I was like cool. Then I cut her off for like 3 weeks, she calls me back and wants to hang out...I felt bad so I swung by...then she wanted to pull some shit on me...so I got up and I left...lol...she wanted to remain friends...but I couldnt give a rats ass. Understand...you're replaceable. You were replaceable that same night, ma.

I know mad people have been hitting me up with this question like

'yo, my ex is coming over...what if she wants some?'
'say no bitch.'
'really? but shes bad tho? I kinda miss it.'
'Dont be lame dude. She cheated on u dude, her shits probabaly contaminated.'
'So Im saying no?'
'Say no, if you give in, she'll call her girls later and be like 'this dumb fool, I juss got some D from the fucker, and all I had to do was show up. I can get D from any man I want.'

NO MAN!!!!
Dont do that! (this goes to the ladies too who have exes tryna get some after the relationship)

Dont do it!

Ok...Im gonna let you guys in on the secret.
Fuck I never wanted to release this on the blog...but here we fuckin go...its a bit x-rated...so bare with me. This is funny as hell, but its a lot funnier when you hear me say it in person.

Every dude and woman needs to view their stuff as Premium Goods.
This my friend is what I classify as the Premium P (Penis/Poon tang). lmao

Here we go...You need to treat your P like its some Premium shit. Respect and care for it. Feed it nothing but the finest foods, that means dine in steaks and lobsters, no dirty fat quick fixes like Mickey D's and KFC. Thats how you P gets sick. Be careful where you take it and keep it in good health...dont be crawling into scary places where savage scabs exist! Im telling you. Dont fuck around (literally!)
You gotta think of it like Premium goods at the market. Your P aint the eye level of the rack type shit, nah, this is some top of the shelf 'ask for assistance', in the glass box type shit. This is some holiday P. You cant just be an anybody walk up and say, 'Yo, I want me some Premium P today.' Nah b, earn your stripes, collect some badges, holla at a playa when you collect all 30. This is some gold foiled, imported, luxurious top of the line shit.
Ladies and fella's, treat your P like it means something!
Dont be dishing it around like its some charity going on, at least if it was charity, make sure its a good cause!
Thats how I manage to keep my junk outta other girls trunks.

But anyways, Im getting off topic here...

For the people who broke up on mutual terms...I dont know...depending on the scenario, this one is quite difficult. For me...its never really mutual. Im the type of person who always wants it to work, even if it doesnt work, I still want this person to be the person it works with. So even when I agree to split, I dont really mean it. But Ill agree with because I dont want to force someone to be somewhere that their heart no longer belongs.

I usually cut the mutual break ups off too, its hard to be friends with someone when you dont want them as your friend. Its like you're settling for friendship.
Like I usually just go cold turkey. I delete them from my Blackberry list, my facebook list, my phone number. This way, even if i have a temptation to msg them or check what theyre up too I cant. Because I will get jealous if I know shes doing well without me. Like if she went on vacay, or like was jamming with a bunch of boys I didnt like at the club...fuck that shit...as bad as it is to say this, I may say, I hope you find happiness, but come on now, we all know I mean, I hope you're fuckin miserable and when you crawl back I hope Im with someone else! Man, I hate looking at facebooks too, what happen if theyre standing there in a hot mama outfit and their hairs done just how you like it, and theyre looking fucking sweeter than ever...than what? Now what do I do? Cry? I guess so! But no! Fuck that shit! I aint looking no more! I hope you look worse! lmao...wow...did I really juss type all that? lol Call me immature...but Im sure we all subconsciously wish that our exes were worse without us better with us. Subconsciously...lol
Its not easy to carry on knowing the person you to be with exists and not be able to have them in your life and having them play the role you want them to. Its like being in a desert...finally finding that little pond of water...and then finding a giant fence around it...

If they didnt mean much to you in the relationship or if it wasnt serious, staying friends aint a bad idea. But I cant do it if I truly and genuinely cared about them. Am I supposed to be theyre friend and listen to them to tell me stories about the new cute guys they meet or all the exciting things they did where I would have attended too if i were still with them? Its not an easy thing to do. I dont wanna hear about your day unless it was miserable, at which point I will want to laugh internally because Ill say, haha, life was good with me wasnt it? Now ur in all this shit...(watch every ex tell me they're doing fine and life is great for them now just to piss me off...lol) For some people its also a bad thing to hang around with your ex that you care about, because you start feelings ways and hopeful again.

I can only be friends with someone when Im totally over them or find some stability, which usually means cutting them off for quite some time or when I completely dont care about them anymore. Like if I was hurt over an ex, and I seen her in a couple of months, and she looked nasty, like lost too much or gained too much weight, bad hair cut, let herself go, looks like a loser....hmmm...well at that point I guess I could talk to her without feelings, but if she really did look like a hot mess, I think Id still cut her off, cuz I dont want it to be known that I ever even touched her...lmao! (see? Im a prick right?)

Someone is usually still attracted or still wants to be in the relationship...rarely and I mean rarely is it ever the case that both people both lose feelings completely...

Meh, this is kinda of a tough topic for me to discuss without getting into personal details and blowing a fuckin blood vessel.

Lets just say...I dont talk to exes...Ive ever only wronged one, and that coincidentally is the only ex I talk to. Anyone else I have cut off, or have finally started talking to again after a few years.
It hurts too much to hold on, and the more I linger, the more bitter I get with the details of the break up.
Dont you ever notice that the things you used to tolerate about your bf/gf when you were together becomes so much more annoying and aggravating now that you're not together???
That shit trips the fuckin daylight outta me. Id rather separate myself and forget them, then stay around (because Im against post-relationship-relationships) and end up hating them...

Break ups are hard enough as it is, but to demote and move backwards after a relationship is even harder. Now you gotta play the "it never happened" game...and just forget your relationship or else you cant be friends...

I just think its easier to try to forget everything...start life all over again.


Chapter end.




Chapter Start.





But thats just me...Mr. All or Nothing

I dont travel back in time to a person that hurt me, nor do I travel back in terms of being a bf/gf to being friends. I can only move forward. Unless you move forward with me holding my hand, Id rather walk away with my hands in my pocket then by myside waiting for you.

It hurts to let go and forget the person you loved and cared for... but sometimes its for the best.



PS. I took 4 hours to write this post...filtering, revising, screening, censoring, removing, deleting, rephrasing...lol


Here's a song I want you guys to listen to...its the Im heartbroken because you fell in love with someone else and not me cuz you only see me as a friend song. lol
2 fave quotes

"But did you know my heart's been broken since the day I met you"

"Sometimes the thing you need is the one thing you cant see."

If you know who sings this song, you might not wanna admit it...cuz Im not telling you who sings it either! lmao. Dont ask me how I know this song either.

CLICK HERE - ENDLESSLY

Here are the lyrics:

Late at night you call on the phone
We talk about the day
When you found out
He was cheating

You tell me that it hurts to the bone
To trust someone that way
To find that he was deceiving

And I know I've always
Just been a friend
But if you look my way
I'll make sure you never hurt again

Do you know I exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I'd cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you

And if you'd only see
How beautiful you and I would be
Endlessly

I remember when you fell in love
I could not believe
That it was not with me

I sent a secret prayer up above
And put my heart away
So that you could be free

I know right now,
You're broken in two
But did you know my heart's been
Broken since the day I met you

Do you know I exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I'd cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you

And in my sweetest dream
You'd learn to put your faith in me
Endlessly

Sometimes the thing you need is the one thing
You can't see
If you put your faith in me
How beautiful you and I would be

Do you know I exist
Just to promise you this
Endlessly to be true to you
And if you answer my prayer
I'd cross my heart and I'd swear
Endlessly to be true to you

Enjoy. I love this song...and I agree with every single world.

PSS. Ive only ever played this song for one woman...and there was a reason for it...

FUCK THE SPACE CAKE!

my cousin took this pic on his iphone...

never again...will I ever eat another cake made from weed butter

fuck space cake (like its called in amsterdam)!

I thought I was gonna fuckin die..downed 2 fuckin slices...and upped a fuckin toilet full

*uuggghhkk

ps. sorry Keesha that I couldnt make it to ur bday...I wasnt lying when I was texting you while puking...lol

My Advice...

A lot of distraught readers and friends have been hitting me up lately...
Although I do try to answer everyone individually its not possible for me to answer everyone in such detail. Its a lot more efficient in this case for me to use this blog...

These two quotes that Im gonna drop has played very important roles in my life, especially the first (since I heard it years ago as opposed to the second which I heard only last year).

Ill try not to go into too much detail with the analysis...I want you to relate it to your life and act upon the advice in the way you feel most fitting.

The first piece of advice is for the person who is dependent on another person and relies on who he/she knows and affiliations without placing primary responsibility within their own hands.

My dad used to always tell me this...

"If you're ever in trouble, make sure you save yourself first. For example, if you're drowning you have to do your best to stay above water and not drown. Because if you dont save yourself first, it wont matter when the lifeguard gets there, because you're already dead. In order to be saved, you must save yourself first. Do not depend on another, because that lifeguard...he may never come.'

Seek the strength within yourself to carry on before looking outwards for a hand to pull you out.

And then I remember Bryan's addition to that. I dont remember it word for word, but here goes something...

"Conversely, if you are the person helping, know where to draw the line. For example, if you were the lifeguard trying to save a person drowning, although you are going into danger to save the person, be prepared to throw an elbow or a good kick if shit gets outta hand. Like say the person drowning is kicking you and pushing you underwater, they dont stop panicing and puts your life at danger, know when to kick them or throw that elbow to get them to cool out and re-gain control. Or know when to just swim away and leave them alone because you're putting your own life in danger and at the risk of both of you drowning. You cant save everyone. Some people just cant be saved."

Of course, Bryan is much more eloquent with the English language than I am.

Know where you need to push forward, keep trying and exhausting all options and know when you need to back away, give up and just let certain things happen.

Relate this to your life, your relationships, your work, your school, your dreams, your friendships, your family...know when you gotta stop helping your kid sibling when hes always blackmailing you. Know when to cut off your boyfriend whose cheating on you and treating you like shit. To cut off your homeboy who keeps using you for money...Try to be a better judge of character as well.

But you cant spend so much time worrying about saving others and making them happy...sometimes you just have to let go even if it hurts.

As idealistic as I am, Im not a completely ignorant and naive person.

Understand that sometimes, its actually not worth making other's happy. The way I see it, you can try and try and try, but you can never make everyone or even a particular person happy and because you've focused so much on another, you'll probably forget about your own happiness. The person that you wanted to make happy isn't and neither are you. My solution, just do you. Make yourself happy, if you wont, who will. I dont know about you, but sometimes thats a lot more efficient. Better you being happy and someone else unhappy than both people unhappy.

This life is too short to live it for someone else...especially if its not reciprocated.

Dont get me wrong, Im not encouraging selfishness and self centered characteristics...

Just understand the importance of being independent (but not entirely) of others in your journey and knowing where to draw your limits with being a saint.

Not everyone's out to help you even if they offer it. Not everyone wants your help even when they ask for it.

But like I said, relate this to your issues and troubles, I do hope that the two quotes will help you guys out. It certainly helped shed some light for me...

Thanks Dad and to my brother Bryan

JT on SNL

I usually dont do this...but I just dropped by Ye's Blog and seen this clip...its too mint not to share with you guys.

And of course for the nostalgic touch, I added "Dick in a Box" below..lol...The holiday season is around the corner, and its a great gift idea for anyone whose trying to give on a budget. lmfao!

DATING: Friends vs. New People

I just read the last comment on the "How to get Someone to be Your BF/GF" post and I realized I may have miscommunicated my thoughts...so I just wanted to clarify.

I dont know how many people are when they choose the person that they want to be with. I often choose a person that I dont know too well...like someone that I havent known for years, or have remained too tight with.

I dont like dating bestfriends or good friends because it feels like such a 'safe' move. Because you know them so well, you know they're character, and you feel safe and secure...

meh...

I like the excitement of meeting a new person, learning about their interests and hobbies, doing new things, learning new things. Meeting their friends, meeting their family, going to new places Ive never been. They say when you really care about someone, you become more open to new things and more accepting. maybe...but I usually is in my case.
To date a friend and then tell everyone that you're now together is a bit odd to me...
I know some friends who have dated friends...its a risky situation because the whole group is at risk when you split...its like...so who do i side with? If i hang out too much with him, will she be mad and vice versa? Who do you invite to this event and who do you not? Can I invite both of them? Are they both gonna act weird in front of eachother and just make in weird for everyone else?

...?

I never play around with good friends. Ever. Because there is so much more to risk...

Id rather the new woman...I dont want to know all about her from the get go. Besides when you know all about someone, they're gonna expect the relationship to be perfect. "You already know I hate that shit, or that I love that stuff. Dont you remember when I was with ______?" Fuckin a right? lol. Half the excitement is learning about her, and being surprised and intrigued by every discovery. "Oh you like cooking? Wanna teach me? You like comic books? Wanna trade? You actually like Batman??? No way, I love Entourage too? I never knew that!" lmao!

You dont wanna read a book where you already know the plot...Its like reading the spoiler before watching the movie...you're expecting everything now...so wheres the excitement right?

Just go out, meet someone new. Stop being a shy guy/girl. Stop dating everyone in your circle...thats like playing Hot Potatoe Pass It On. It becomes incest like at some point. lol

Dating your friend has no new news to me. I know everything about you...the only diff now is we lay in bed together...

Really...

I dont know...the transitions weird. When you know someone too well, they become predictable...especially if they have bad habits, you'll be expecting them.

Ill give you an example.

So say you like...ummm...Jesse (Jesse could be a boy or girl in this case)...and youve been friends with Jesse from time. Jesse always used to call you and tell you about his/her problems with his/her significant other. Or would say things like...I dont know if I like her, I kinda like someone else. Or just talk shit behind his of her gfs back. Or you know Jesse would lie about his/her whereabouts and make you cover up. Or maybe Jesse used to cheat, but only you knew...or maybe Jesse also has weird character problems...like overly jealous, or possessive, or careless or inconsiderate...
But somehow you saw something in Jesse later on and now you're dating Jesse. What makes you think any of those things that Jesse did to his/her significant other wont happen to you?...

Friends are a safe bet. They're half the work and its so much more convenient to just be with the person you already know. You dont have to go out there and spit game, or try to win him or her over.

'You know me by now.'

meh...

Without surprises, things get repetitive. A sort of routine-ness is key, but so is the element of spontaniety. I like knowing Ive made progress through time.

Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, funny stuff, dates, special alone dates, dates with friends, meeting the family, public functions (work, family or friends), roadtrips blah blah blah.

When you're friends, you've probably done half these things...it takes away the specialness of when it happens again...or it could not...

I dont know, Im Mr. Brand New.

Even if you're gonna break my heart or leave me, Ill still go full throttle. I forever wanna be that Boyfriend that no one was ever able to out do. Ive held that title for some...and maybe not for some others. I treat every woman like a Queen, even if they dont deserve it...*sigh...trust me...
I want to be one of those greatest eras in your life, even if its short lived. I want to live as a memory of happiness or a moment of change...
I wanna be that guy whose associated with a certain place or a certain memory. Like if I say...have you ever done this, I want you to say no. And when you're next boyfriend asks have you ever done this, you say "Yea, Will took me there." "I did that with Will." "Will was the first person to show me that." "Will said that."

lmao

im such a prick! lol

Leave your mark. If you cant be with them forever, at least emboss your place in her heart and mind. Be the best at something to them, be the first for something for them...

Like Ive said in previous posts, the only thing more painful than dying is being forgotten...to be irrelevant, unimportant, unrecognized, unappreciated and undervalued is a horrible thing...

But anyways...this strike may last 11 weeks...but im told I should still my hmwk...*sigh

Guelph...:)

These are pics from last Thursday in Guelph...ummm... I know I have a lot of American readers so...in case you're wondering where Guelph is...its actually a town about an hours drive from Toronto...lol
Above, my favorite fat friends...lmao
Below...theres no champagne room at this club...so ummm...I guess he can shake the bottle and pop the cork on the dance floor too...hmmm...

Of course...it isnt a Guelph night until 2 girls make out...lol

lol. Only in Guelph...Black people bubble and grind in the club and the white folks make out.

Seven wasnt supposed to be in this picture...

Or this one...

...nor this one...lol

We were giving away free T-Pain albums...they said I had to make a girl do something crazy in order to give it away...like make out with a next chick or flash me or something...I was too lazy to ask...so I flashed myself and took the disks home (flashed with my camera)

Mind the crazy girl hands on his chest...lol

Jonny and I...aka the Human Torch. 'Flame on!' lol

Hey Mahsa! I see you!

WALL-E drops this Tuesday! BUY IT!!!

Eve's to Keep from Francis Hwang on Vimeo.

(DONT WORRY, THERE IS NO SPOILER IN THIS POST)

(THIS IS NOT A MOVIE REVIEW EITHER SO DONT SKIP THIS POST U SLACKDS! Lol)
I just wanted to let everyone know that the Wall-E DVD/Blue-Ray drops this Tuesday, and you all gotta go buy it!

Rarely will I make movie recommendations, but Wall-E is my shit!
More than a movie about robots, the future, its actually a love story. Word.
Its also a sad movie for me to think about due to the memories that Ive attached to it. I really feel like Im a Wall-E (or a WILL-E) most of the time and Im quite sure that Ive actually met my real life version of Eve (more or less and relatively speaking) and I seen it with her. lol
We were both able to relate to our respective characters...in fact, my pursuit of Eve was probably just as difficult...esp with the holding hands issue! lmao (you know its true, just laugh esp in retrospect, I know you're reading this).

This movie is amazing. Kinda wished it never ended but you know kids movies cant be too long, kids have A.D.D. and they get restless easily. But I had a smile on my face from beginning to end just because I adored this movie so much.

I found this clip while cruising around online, and its perfect. The song they used is perfect, because I used to play this song with Eve in the car. She may not remember but yea. lol

Anyways, I encourage everyone to watch this movie and make sure you have a special someone beside you...cuz you'll feel hella lonely when its done. lol


My fave part is where they fly through space...
and the part where Eve is turned off and he does so many special things for her, but she doesnt see any of it, til after.

Watch the movie and you'll see what I mean...and really take in whats happening.

Dont you ever do things for your significant others when they're not around or when they cant see or hear it...and wish that somehow they knew that you did that for them? As if life was a reality show and they could just go home and watch what you did? (in a non-creeper, stalker way). Like you'd go tell her friends how amazing she is...and they would go back and say 'you know what he said about you? its so cute! blah blah blah.' lol
Or like when you're doing something for them that you spent hours on, and when she asks...ur like..."its no biggie...did it in 5 mins"...but somehow she found out how hard you worked on it, and u laboured away in sweat just to make her smile...even knowingly that you may never receive the adequate gratification or recognition for the work you put in? Or am I the only guy who is this selfless? lol. I would most certainly hope not.

'You need to know, Im not just with you when Im with you.'

Relationships are a fulltime thing. I take my work home. Put in the overtime, or even charity hours without pay. Thats wassup. Go WALL-E! lol. This movie is awesome!

Hit me up if you've seen it! Dont you sometimes wish the pursuit of happiness/love was that epic...well obviously it wont be as epic as in WALL-E...but you know what I mean...like novel or movie worthy...? Hey, it does happen, and to all you sour pusses who believe life cant be that magical...its all about your perspective (and of course the guy or girl you meet). It is what you make of it. Keep dreaming and never stop.

I did tear a lil at the end. Yea! I said it! But I dont think anyone noticed, I wiped that shit off fast son! Im only human. lol If somehow you hate this movie...you need to go check if you're human...because you may be lacking some emotions and basic sensitivity. lol

(THE ONLY 3 MOVIES I WOULD RECOMMEND FROM THIS PAST SUMMER IS WALL-E, THE DARK KNIGHT AND FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL...and I just seen Quantum Of Solace...the main Bond girl is BADDD!!! like holy fluckeronni! I didnt know Russians had it like that?! But if you're going in expecting a sex scene...sigh...just know I was cheering for one during the cave scene...you'll know what Im saying...movie was good, unsatisfying ending...but whatevs...lol)

ok here here...I dont really support bootleg movies and music, but people who bootleg are people who usually tend not to buy dvds or cds anyways. For everyone who likes to support artists and good work (like me) go out and buy or rent it!...to everyone else...here's a bootleg version I found for all y'all...lol...yea yea...thank me later, although Id still recommend you watching this in high-res to experience the difference it makes in sound, vision and emotions. lol.

CLICK HERE FOR THE WALL-E BOOTLEG

How Do You Ask Someone to be Your Gf/Bf?

This is absolutely hilarious to me...lol

Someone msged me earlier, I wont say who, but I know he reads the blog. I told you I was gonna blog it, but dont worry, no one will know its you. I promise.

Anyways, he messaged and was like, "I wanna spend the whole day with her. We've been seeing eachother for 2 months now, and I wanna make it official. So Ill just ask her out at the end of the night."

And then of course I was like...'ummm...is that how that sorta stuff works? U ask them? What do you really say when you ask them tho?"

He didnt really know, he's like "Ill just ask her."

lmao

This topic to me has always been a weird and awkward one. I mean yea, Ive dated. But I dont ever remember how I made things official in a relationship. My fave 'officializing' story was back in grade 7.

Grab some popcorn and maybe a cup of low fat milk, pull up a chair. Story time is about to begin. 'lol

Anyways...back in grade 7...I was a lil rocker asian boy, Airwalks, corduroys, chains on the side, metal ball necklaces (pause), and long black hair with an undercut...I used to tuck my hair behind my ears...lol...true story.
Anyways, Ill always remember her...Kerstin...lol. Man...if anyone's reading this, do not tell Kerstin! lmao lmao lmao lmao
Fuck...im blushing like hell right now. But anyways, I always liked her...we sorta kinda always held hands in grade 5, and I used to give her my POGS, trade in my books at school to get her the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys books (they were her favorite), draw her pictures of us and send her candy grams every Tuesday...but that was grade 5, this is grade 7 now. If i thought she was hot in grade 5, she became hotter in grade 7 (to a grade 7 boy...not to a grown 23 year old man...just to set shit straight. lol)

So anyhow...It was late spring of '97...We were hanging out everyday after school at the park...just on the swings and telling funny stories. I remember so many days on the playground...(although I was way too big for it at that age...but thats juss where we hung out)...just staring at her green eyes on sunny days...tryna to figure out how to tell her that I liked her. I knew she liked me too...just didnt know how much.
Her best friend Ashley and I were good friends. I always called Ashley on the phone telling her about Kerstin and ray tay tay. One night on the phone I said...Im gonna ask Kerstin to be my gf tmr...and she said how...and Im like...Ill just ask her...
So anyways, next day it is...we all have gym class together. I got changed super quick and was the first person in the gym. Ashley comes outta the girls change room shortly after...she goes,

'so how are you gonna ask her?'
'I dunno. What should I say?'
'I dunno. Just ask her.'
'Like hey, do you wanna be my gf?'
'...sure?'
'ummm...how about you go ask her for me.'
'Really? You want me to ask?'
'Yea, Im getting nervous.'
'Ummm...ok...'

*Ashley walks into the girls changeroom.
*I wait outside shaking uncontrollably...and just said I was cold when anyone asked...lol
*Ashley comes back out

'...'
'...'
'...so what did she say...first of all...what did you say? Word for word.'
'Ok, so I go to her, Will wants you to be his gf...'
'OMG! You said that? That made me sound so lame!'
'Well...'
'Ok...whatever...and so what did she say?'
'She said ok.'
'She said ok?'
'Yep...'
'...Very well...'

*Kerstin walks out of the changeroom...in a black sweater with a big white swoosh, black champion tear-aways and white shoes.
*Im sitting on the stage of the gym/auditorium
*She smiles, tucks her blonde hair behind her ears, looks downwards and walks towards me. She sits down beside me on the stage

'Hey.'
'Hey.'
'...'
'...'

*I start tapping my feet and looking around trying to act normal...
*She's smiling and looking away...
*I started turning beet red, while holding my smile in.

'So...*I smile again*...hi.'
'Hey.'
'I guess ur my girlfriend now' (LMFAO!)
'I guess so.'

Then we stared at eachother...like a fuckin set of numb nuts. Didnt know what to do next. So I thought...maybe we're supposed to kiss now to 'officialize' things right?...What if she kisses me back with her eyes open...meanwhile mine are closed? lmao...its true tho. I really did think all of this...So we stared at eachother for about 3 seconds and suddenly leaned in for a kiss! lmao lmao lmao (NO ONE TELL KERSTIN ABOUT THIS POST! LMAO)

...and then GYM class started...lol...and so did the rest of my emotional career. lmao

Anyhow...I obviously dated again and again after Kerstin and I split in Grade 7.
But Ive always been kinda weary about how to go about saying 'So I wanna be with you, and I want you to be with me, so dont like anyone else, cuz i dont like anyone else, dont sleep with anyone else because I wont sleep with anyone else. Be mine, cuz I wanna be yours." lmao

How do you go about asking for exclusivity? Or should it already be understood?
How do you go about officializing it...without saying it?
At what point do you expect the other person to stop seeing other people?
lol

These are all weird questions but they all make sense when you think about it...
Havent you ever just dated someone...and wanted to make it 'official' and didnt know how to go about it.

I mean in highschool, maybe you could send a note across the room 'Will you be my gf/bf?'...
But what do you do now?
I dont even remember what I did with my last few girlfriends...except change my facebook status! lmao
Its like...do I make it a big dinner date and ask you at the end or is that mad corny...or should I just stay quiet until she one day introduces me as her bf...or is it official when we're holding hands in public? lol
You know what I mean...its definitely a weird topic...and even a more difficult one to bring up...

"So yea...so you know...we've going out...I mean like...on dates...I mean outtings...for some time now...ummm...so you know...I was wondering...ummm...you know...uh...like if I asked you to be my girlfriend...what would you say...? No is a valid answer."

And the possibility of rejection???? OUUuuuuu!!!! We wont even get into that one for this post...lmao...I think Ive only ever had one girl reject me...twice! lmao
Of course...it was in Grade 7...lmao...

Ouu ouuu !!!! Slightly off topic...but have you ever held out on an 'officialization' and then just get totally screwed over and she hits you with the 'you're like my bestfriend...you're like a brother to me.'
Ouuuuu!!!!! Fuckin hurts!!! Burn baby burn!!! lol

You hear her say things like 'Oh I love him. He's like a brother to me. I could never date him.'
And in the background you're like...'What I liked you! Damnit I shoulda said something. We became way too comfortable and now Im her brother! Noooo!!!'

Trust me...I try to play things cool, and do the friend thing. Then they say shit like...but we're such good friends...I dont wanna risk that. If this doesnt work out, Ill lose my boyfriend and a bestfriend...OUUUUUU!!! Burn baby burn...My heart sinks faster than the fuckin Titanic after hearing that shit! lmao

Dont you hate that shit tho, you wanna be that guy friend/girl friend that juss hangs out, be a good friend, but at the same time you're learning how to be a better person and treat them better than the last. Now you got all this newly acquired and accumulated knowledge...and you cant do jack shit with it! fuckin a!

Anyways...Im getting off topic...lol

*ahem...Will clears his throat...

...I guess you could always just ask to make sure you're on the same page...about the bf/ gf thing.




I dunno...what do you guys do?

Please...entertain me. lol

Fred's Special Cake

So my homeboy Fred is getting married next week, so we all met up at my cousins last night to do a pre-drink before we hit the strip joint...
Unfortunately these bitch faces laced the cake. Now, Im a drug free dude...so I dont do well with any of this shit. lol
Lets also say I had way way way way too much of that fuckin cake, especially for a person who doesnt blaze on the regular...or even ever. lol
Before you knew it...I was laughing for no reason, then falling asleep...several times I found myself finding myself...I was on a major paranoia trip too...like suddenly waking up hearing noises...and I constantly felt like I was falling...even though I was sitting on the floor. Im sure not very many people feel like this when they're high. But I think my intake was way too 'high.' lol
Hmmm...by no means was it a fun trip...Ive always had bad experiences with these things...lol. Thats why I never touch them. Ill stick to my alcohol.
So in case you were wondering what was in the cake...

lol...
Yea...my brother sent me this msg after I downed 2 slices...fuckin' a.

The 'butter' they're referring to is weed butter. I didnt know what the fuck weed butter was...until my cousin told me.
From what I remember, boil the weed, dash in some butter, pour the weed out into a sift with a paper towel underneath the sift. The water runs through the paper towel and the butter will dry and harden on the paper towel...use the butter in the cake batter...

Just in case you wanted to know...unless you already did.

Anyhow...we never hit the titty bar, Fred passed out by 10pm...and I was gone by 11...I yacked 4 times from 11-12am...and I knocked out from 12-3pm...I was pretty much game over, and quarterless. I woke up, ate a stackload of Pringles...and drove my ass home from the east end. lol.
Dont worry I was straight to drive tho...I never drive unless Im straight. Trust me...too much life to live to risk it.

If you have never had Aloe Vera drink...fuck! Ur sleeping! Try that shit! It is the best drink ever!!!

Global Gav

So Im actually just getting ready to leave my house now and meet up with Addy and hit up a couple house jams.

But then Gavin (the founder of Remix) signs in on MSN from half way across the globe. He's in Paris right now, the second last stop of his 5 (or so) destination adventure (Europe and Asia) thats taken place over the last 2 weeks...He lands in Toronto tomorrow night, rests a day and I think he's off again to South America. This is why we call him "Global Gav." He's always traveling.

Anyways, I havent spoke to him since he left, and everything was all fine at that point. My breakdown happened 2 days after he left, not knowing what happened, he asked me about a particular subject and I told him.

We landed on the issue of me being idealistic...and this is how the convo went...

global gav - it's a friday night in paris! says:

ahhhh...idealism.
the ruination of good men. the only thing necessary for great ones.


WILL•E says:

so does that mean...i should be a realist now


global gav - it's a friday night in paris! says:

no
because you have the makings of a great man
and you can never give that up to simply be good.
with that said though, you can never give up being good to be great.
and that's the balance


Thanks Gav...

If you guys ever wonder where I get most of my idealistic mentality, my motivation and inspiration from...its him. If anyone has ever taught me that you can make a change in this lifetime and that you make a difference to those around you...its Gavin. And Im sure I speak on the behalf of everyone that has met him.

Its an honor to have you play a role in my life.

...sigh...hmwk now? or house parties...fuckin a...

In case none of you guys ever read the comments, this is what what Bryan wrote about Gavin.

be. • TheLegendsLeague • said...

Gavin saved my life.

he'LL never get as much praise and recognition as he deserves although he would never expect it from anyone. he was in XXL Magazine when we were still in high school for starting the first hip-hop based rec center in north america - InnerCityVisions - here in Toronto. He is the Founder of TheRemixProject, has supported countless young people through their struggles with court cases and the legal system - myself included - coming to trials, helping with community hours, and giving guidance. He is literally a father figure to many of us - and he's younger than i am.

Those of you who are reading this from outside of our city and trying to comprehend what kind of affect he has had on 100's, even 1000's of youth and adults alike in Toronto alone, cannot understand through reading my lil bro's blog. Gavin's reach has no borders and has never been shown limits. My love and respect for him is too much to explain in a comment.

Real recognize likewise... fuckin' a.

- I believe fuckin' A is short for fuckin' asshole, or fucking ass. Not as in boning bum, but as in - holy fucking ass. not as in bum, but as in bone head. K, this is off topic. and so is the "get at me" comment. should found a better post to holla at willy at than one about Gav.

peace.

November 16, 2008 2:49 AM

BLACKBERRY OR A BF/GF?

I should really be fuckin doing my hmwk...but since im an idiot, im going to blog.

Ok...so I was sitting at the dinner table with my mom and her husband...while I was eating my blackberry messenger went off like 15 times...and I was continuously typing while eating...sometimes forgetting to chew...

Anyone who has a blackberry, knows exactly what I mean.

So my mom's husband suddenly asks me

"If I said you could only choose to have your blackberry or a girlfriend...what would you choose...you cant have both. Only one...what would you choose."

Of course the first thing I did was cringe...lol
I exhaled. Then I smiled. Then I blushed. Then I closed my eyes. Then I sat there quietly.
He was still staring at me.
I said I dont know.


LMAO!!!


How bad is that?
Why couldnt there just be harmony between the two? Why couldnt I just have both? I then started assessing the pros and cons of each.

So what do I do? I ask the fuckin audience...So I messaged like 50 people...and these are some of the answers...

'WOW...is that a real question?'
'Im gonna have to think about that one.'
'Im so torn right now.'
'I really cant answer that.'
'Tough question.'
'Did my girlfriend call you complaining?'
'Blackberry!'
'BB, but dont blog that.'
'Girls come and go, but Blackberrys are forever.'
'Blackberrys are more reliable.'
'Only if its the BB Bold.'
'Too many of my boyfriends have broken my heart, Id rather be with a BB.'
'Too much bullshit to deal with, Id rather a BB."
"I dont know my BB wont put out like it used to...my girlfriend might be easier...but than again, my BB can get me some hoes...choices...*sigh.'
'Depends...am I happy with my girl?'
'I cant answer, you might tell her.'
'Fuck that, my BB is my best friend.'
'Id drop the one giving me the most issues.'
'Id be broke without a BB.'
'Blackberry makes me money, girlfriend costs me money.'
'A Blackgirlfriend.'

I have a lot more ppl on BB, but I didnt bother asking everyone...too lazy and it slows down your phone when you have more than 50 active convos. lol

There were people who chose a girlfriend/boyfriend over the Blackberry though...well only 6 people out of the 50 people I asked tho...lol

I dont mean to put my homegirl Crystal on blast tho, but she answered with no hesitation..."My bf. He's the shit." (I think most of us would wish that our significant other would talk about us like that when we're not around.)

First of all Crystal, you must be the luckiest duck in the whole world. She said 'that was an easy answer for me'...Im sure we all wished it was an easy answer and we could have all easily chose what you did.

The funny thing is a lot of people who responded with 'blackberry' had a boyfriend or girlfriend! Wow! lol.
Trust me I was in total shock. So my question is now...how could you be with someone that you value less than a Blackberry? lol...Im serious...

Some people said,

'I would choose the boyfriend or girlfriend if it was true love.'
'I would love to care about someone so much to give up something for them.'
'I would if it were a soulmate.'
'I would if I was truly happy.'

Seems like so many people are tramautized from past relationships and are afraid to open up again and re-commit to a person due to fears of more hurt and heartache. Its understandable I guess. A lot of people just go cold and are never 'really' there once theyve been damaged. And its a shame. I hate that some people arent able to learn to trust new people, especially people who have earned it, or people who just cant open up and allow themselves to be.

Its crazy to me how so many people have lost faith in finding happiness in relationships. That having comfort and good company is no longer that important. That cuddling and affection is longer at the the top of the list. That having someone to lean on or lean on you during couch potatoe sessions arent so valuable. To have someone to holds hands with in the mall, or kiss goodnight before you fall asleep. To wake up in the morning or look forward to seeing. To help them with their homework or caring for them when theyre sick. To have someone to love and make happy. To have someone to share happiness with and divide sadness and sorrow with. To have someone to learn about and find interest in. To have someone worth changing for and becoming a better person for. To have someone stroking your hair while your sleeping or fetching you water when you're coughing. To have someone to rush to your house when you're having a breakdown or to share great news with. To have someone who you can call your own.

...

My question is, where did this all go wrong?
As sappy as this sounds, I just want to be in love and have my significant other feel the same way. Its proven to be a lot more difficult than I planned...a lot more difficult.
But it doesnt mean Ill give up...but it upsets me that some people have tho. That at 20 something years old, you're mind is so bent that you believe love doesnt exist anymore, that you can never find happiness, that soulmates dont exist, that all men and women cheat, that you will never marry or have kids (and no Im not referring to anyone or anyone's situation in particular...just a general observational comment). Its crazy to me tho.
I yearn so much to be in love again, it feels amazing.
To know someone is always there for you, to have that stability is priceless. To know you're being thought about is an amazing feeling...

Now Im not upset that anyone chose a Blackberry...Im more disappointed in what the decision implies, to know where everyone's heart and mind is at.
Sometimes I feel like Im a hopeless romantic...yea yea...this is life it aint a fuckin movie...but whats wrong with me wanting it to be like one. Movies dont always end so great or having perfect story lines either.
My flaw is often caring too much about the other person and forgetting my own. Compromising too much on my end and accepting what little I get on my end and making it sound like its all my fault if it doesnt work. Its not that Im a bitch, I just really hate break ups. I need to know Ive done everything before I give up. Sometimes the sacrifices you make will help with the decisions the other person makes...or not...but its worth a shot. Id rather go out knowing I did everything I could have done...than nothing I should have done.
Somethings cant be forced. Relationships are like all other things...sometimes it just wont work, step back, dont force it and let it be.

A line my dad always told me was

'If you've dropped your ball in the water, dont splash the water to get it back. The more you splash the further it will float. Just be patient, it will come back if its supposed to. Sometimes, it all depends on the tide. Learn patience and learn when to give up. You may drown yourself trying to get that ball back.'


I strongly feel that everyone and I mean everyone will change when they find the right person in their life. I dont see how you couldnt...
Maybe you cant do a complete 180...but you could at least try to.
Ive also learned that somethings will just never be, and some people have a lot more difficulty than others adjusting. Thats understandable too.
But to everyone whose in this stage, be sure to change and make that adjustment when it still matters. Make the choice while the offer is still on the table.

To anyone who thinks they know what this post is about its not. Im just a vert analytical person, anyone who knows me, knows that about me. People make a lot of decisions and imply things subconsciously, I just try to point it out.
This is me simply analyzing why people chose a Blackberry over a boyfriend/girlfriend...and what implications their answers gave me...

I still have a lot of black hair for a person who thinks this much.

I dont know where Im going with this...looks like the winter is going to get quite cold.

Im gonna go do my hmwk now...or watch some more Entourage...too lazy to go out tonight.


PS. Im noticing that a lot of comments are based on BB vs love, or BB vs happiness type comment. i dont think its so much that theyre choosing over true love or true life long happiness...but its more that they dont think it exists...

its that most of us are all so jaded...relationships are watever...that some people dont believe in love...

thats the sad fact behind this...

I dont think anyone would trade up love and happiness...for a phone. But they're trading it in for stress, a headache, lying, cheating partners etc. People just dont view relationships the same way. Because they feel that this relationship will be like the others, so why bother?
I dunno. And I do agree...relationships need to be 100/100...no half-ass-ness.
But its a different day in age, its a different moment in time...


Its quite the shame...

last of dying breed I tell you.


PSS. to answer everyone...I would trade it all...for love and happiness...as opposed to just a person/ a gf. Love and relationships dont always go hand in hand...although I wish it did. lol

JEN9's DANCE REAL

I must be one of the slowest people in the entire world...

but holy fuck!
I showed you guys the replacement girl video where my girl Jenn Curlz aka Jen9 was dancing in...but she just recently uploaded her dance reel...


HOLY FUCK!

i mean...I thought she was a dancer and all that...like a jook gyal, wine gyal, move ya body like a snake ma...but I had no fuckin idea she was dancing for New Kids on the Block, K-OS, Hilary Duff, Nelly Furtado, Timbaland, Flo Rida, Jordan Croucher, and in all these music video and award shows...

HOLY FUCK!

yea...I swear a lot.
But Jenn, Im proud of you. I wish i had as much skill and passion about one things as much as you did with dancing. I wish I had skills. Like nunchucks skills...all I can do is hold a damn camera and press the button...woopty frickin doo...sigh...ok...im gonna go eat a tub of chocolate ice cream...aka eating my emotions. lol...
That video got me excited and amped...and depressed all at the same time. lol
I know you leave tmr, I wish you a safe trip and good luck yet again! Ill see you soon! U have my word! And Ill blog the visit!...well duh...what else do I do with my life besides blog...*sigh

The more people I meet, the more proud I feel to be a part of this city. Jenn, you're one of those people and one of those reasons. *Will tips his hat

LOST IN THE WILLDERNESS & OCTOBER'S VERY OWN OFFICIAL PARTY FOOTAGE

litw & ovo from PHOTO WILL on Vimeo.


Here it is. The official and final cut of the footage in hi res.

We tried our best to sync the names with the images. Most of the people in the song were there, some werent...
If you're looking for Bryan E, he actually left before the footage began (he had work early the next morning). Boi 1nda (the producer) was in Atlanta during this party...and somehow...we didnt get any footage of Niko aka Freako at all...lol

Sorry to whoever else we didnt get footage of (JD Era, Kim Davis, Johnny Rox, Livestock, Foundation, Taurean, Seven, Vince, Moe, my brother, Sarah, Courtney B, Courtne, Gee, Bodiq, Gaspi, Nicholas C, Jenn, Ann, Cristal, Kevin, Hazel, Rawk, Chevy, John, Lucky, Jake, Harold, Alina, Marienne, Ashley MacKenzie, Caitlin, Ronnice, Addis, Tasha, Danielle, Gillian, Will, Shayna, CC, Chrissy, Monique, Kade, Marlon and Tek...well thats all I can think of right now.) But I see you!

Shout out to my boy Chris Strikes for the excellent work and the amazing video.

Once again, thank you to everyone who contributed and helped make this party happen.
Thanks to my team, Addy, DJ Wristpect, Lancelot, Fresh and Bryan. Thanks to Drake, Oliver, Niko, 40 and Jason Johnson. Thank you to DJ P-Plus and Corwin. Thanks to Nelson for the photography. Thanks to everyone who called and msged me or the team during the one month promo period offering their assistance, especially Addis and Amber. Special thanks to everyone who came out that night, partied hard hard, bought a drink or popped a bottle, called me or text me the morning saying they yacked in the car or had to pull over in the taxi and stick their head out the door. Brock's story is the best, he got sloshed, lost his hat, fell asleep in some alley, Fresh saw him and had him sent home in a taxi, Brock remembers yacking in the taxi...doesnt remember how he got inside his house but woke up the next morning alive! lmao...trust me I received a crapload of stories like that.


To answer questions that some people have asked about the team and I...if we're going to just throw parties and do photography or watever forever.

To an extent yes...photography Ill be doing forever, but not club event photography forever. I dunno about being paid forever but photography is my hobby first and foremost. But Im not sure how cool it is for me to be 30 and in the club taking pics of 19 year old girls so...yea. I am trying to take my photography into a different direction and becoming a bit more pro and official. Whatever that means...Im still tryna figure out. As for throwing parties...why not? If it can work...why not? (not forever obviously). Its not like we take out giant venues and throw parties for randoms (not that theres anything wrong with that either). We know everyone we invite. We keep things intimate and personal. We keep our networks and circles strong and well knit and try to create comfort amongst the come up kids and the veterans in the industry. We like surrounding ourselves with motivated individuals with similar goals.

But the other answer is also sorta no. We do not plan to do this forever...at least at this level. The only direction to move is up. Each of the 6 members including myself have our own individual strengths and skills. I cant reveal the master plan, but understand the things we are doing now with these events is to merely establish a network of strong connects and to raise funds for larger endeavors. You really didnt think this was it did you? lol Being able to predict trends, change with the times, but remaining relevant is key. Lets hope we're able to find a recipe for that. *fingers crossed

We're aiming at longevity here not instant cheques. Get familiar.

I CANT FOCUS!

FRUCKIN A-CIRCLES!
im trying so hard to do my work...but somehow I bumped into my 2 new favorite Kanye 808s and Heartbreak's tracks..."welcome to heartbreak" and "tell everybody that you know"

anyone who knows me, knows I murder tracks. I put it on repeat for hours!

fuck...I need to study before I head out to Guelph in 2 hours...
If you haven't heard the songs, lemme give you the tracks

WELCOME TO HEARTBREAK w/ kid cudi

TELL EVERYBODY THAT YOU KNOW w/ lil wayne

amazing and streetlights is really good too, but I dont have any those files on hand (im only referring to the last 5 leaked tracks...coldest winter, heartless, love lockdown and robocop dont count...my least fave is anyway of the 5 new leaked tracks...its the equivalent of goodlife on the graduation)
fuck...I dont know what any of you guys think of the tracks that have been released so far, but I havent been this excited for anything to be released since the Dark Knight, and we all know how much I love the caped crusader (no homo)
Imagine Ye was Batman? lmao...the perfect world.

These tracks got me reminiscing the Glow in the Dark Tour...fuck if anyone missed it, wow. I feel bad for you. By far the coolest and most out of this world experience Ive ever been to! Hands down the greatest performer ever. I urge you guys, make sure you go to the next tour. I have no idea how he's gonna out do the last tour...I was right by the stage...trust me, shit doesnt get any more intense than that.

FUCK!!! I NEED TO STUDY BEFORE I FAIL IN THIS LIFE!!!

ps. i didnt take that picture...


...i need to turn off my media player now dont i...? fuckin a...

PSS. i really dont mean to rub it into anyone's face, but man, if you missed it, you probably missed the greatest concert performance of a lifetime. The saddest part is no money will ever take you back in time to experience what I did and millions of others around the world. Ye took you to another world, another galaxy, another reality. I remember I lost my voice for like 5 days after. Dame and I were fuckin singing every single fuckin lyric to every single fuckin song. Sorry, I do swear a lot, which I should try to cut back on, dont worry Im on the patch.
But man...take me back to May '08...

@ AT THE ZOO WITH NEBB-A-RANG-A-TANG

These pics are from...I think it was like back in June...Nebby and I decided to hit the zoo.
She calls me in the morning and says...

nebby: hey will, what should I wear? stillettos? or knee highs?
will: ...? hello...*fuck did I accidentally call the escort service?
nebby: no seriously...will? What should I wear?
will: those really arent ur choices are they? ur really gonna wear one of those?
nebby: Aarrrggghhh...well what are you gonna wear?
will: I dont know...prolly a beater and camo shorts and white kicks...
nebby: ...hmmm...ok...

*click

So I meet her by her crib...and guess what the fuck she leaves her house wearing?

like fuckin a right???!!! and she refused to go back inside to change her clothes...fuckin clown.

could this animal have any more other animal names for a name?

its the geico gecko...I wonder how much I saved this time?

She kissed the frog expecting for it to turn into a Prince...

But what happened was SHE turned into a Prince...lmao!

Last thing we need is escaping birds, the lord knows I have a phobia of birds. lol

NYC aint got shit on the Giant Brazilian Cockroaches.

I was too scared to take a picture of this spider...so I juss took a pic of the sign...

I know...Im an idiot

She was so posing for this shit

Big daps to Nebby for being one of the very few girls I ever go out with that offer to take the camera and take a picture of me without huffing and puffing about it! Mon is the only other person who takes the camera from me...but she exhales so damn loud when she does! boo you mon!

Nebbs made me do this pose...my word.

She says she hurt herself...pure lies...do u even see anything?

This is nebby getting her britney spears on...what video was this from again? "sometimes"...?

This is Nebby fingering Wall-E's eye hole.

She never graduated from ESL (english as a second language)...so of course she climbed the rocks

fuckin hell, we even had matching sunglasses...

Besides me, Nebby is the next biggest idiot I know...

But of course, I will always be number one. You dont even know how hot that surface was!

Her first MTV crib episode

She said "I bet I can pose and look better than you on this car."

U said it...but u aint got shit on me...

not even close, ma.

ummm...lol

She was running on a high and dry streak...cant lie, aint a bad choice for a piece of plump ass.

The peacock that escaped...

She was mocking the monkeys.

She made me do it...

I have nothing clever to say about this...

After the zoo, Nebby felt fat, so she offered to pay for dinner since I paid for the zoo. So she made me drive her ass all the way downtown to eat...and then we chilled around in the alley, I set up a tri-pod, put my cam on timer...and this is what we did for 25 mins...sigh...

And then she made me drive her ass all the way back home...frickin cow. This is a picture of me changing the track that was playing after she was fiddling with the stereo.

Dont you know to never touch a black man's stereo?

In case you're wondering why there arent much animal pics...there are...I took a crapload of a cow named Nebby...lmao

LUPE FIASCO @ CIRCA

These pics are about a year old. Lola and I rolled through sorta late and got locked up in the VIP room that overlooks the mainfloor. It was cool...except my pictures sucked cuz I was so far...lol
They kinda sucked anyways, I was still learning the camera at this point. One of the first concerts I ever did, so expect no pro-ness from me. lol

The picture below is the inside of the VIP glass room that I was stuck in taking pictures for the most part.

The two women on your right is Venus and Juss Red from FLOW (in case you didnt already know)

Mr. Ron D. himself, remember him right? From the Toronto track I posted?

That looks just like Lupe but it aint, thats Lupe's cousin or something, I forgot. He plays the keyboard for Lupe. I dont even remember what happened that night. Im sure Lupe had bare chests to sign somewhere in the backrooms...or stuff...lol

REPLACEMENT GIRL - DRAKE AND TREY SONGS

I know Im major late for this one...but for some reason Ive never ever watched the replacement girl video...
and I finally did...

For one...look how young Drake is! lmao...and for two...i noticed my girl Jenn Curlz was in the video...as one of the main dancers...you guys do remember Jenn Curlz right? if not, scroll back a few pages and check out the "Weekly Goodfoot Visit" post.
I know most of the girls in the video, but Im not gonna shout them out because you know how girls are about this stuff. They try to stay humble as a mumble in the jungle. lol. But I was shocked most by Jenn's appearance. lol
Snap, I knew you were a dancer and all but hot damn homay! lol.
Once again, Good luck with all your endeavors and goals! We're all gonna miss you back here, and dont worry, ill assemble the troops to go visit you in Montreal soon!

x's and o's

ps. I see you Neeks, Anaya, Natalie Caine and Nadia Edwards! lol Ok ok! lol Hot gyal a hot gyal over there huh?

Hi Haters!

I know I said I wouldnt blog anymore for the rest of the evening but I couldnt help myself.
Ill start my assignments right after this post...or finish off Entourage...Im so watless.

While I was driving home from Remix just awhile ago I realized how fortunate I am to be a part of such a strong and positive group of people. Everyone that I know is a go-getter, a hustler, an entrepreneur, doing what they love, making money, grinding and setting new standards for both themselves and the people around them.
I am definitely very fortunate to have worked with just about everybody in the city from the come up kids to the veterans. I am even more fortunate to have most of these people in my life as good friends and not just business associates.

Im proud of all my peoples...its way too much to shout out and it might be too problematic if accidentally forgot any names.

Something that really made my day today was an interview that was conducted by a university student...about me...lol.
I know, it sounds shocking to me too. But it did happen nonetheless.
I personally dont think Im anyone particularly interesting, but Im glad others do.
Me telling you guys about this is in no way being cocky, this is me merely showing you that there are people who do care and support people trying to make a difference.
She asked me a very important question that touches on the primary topic of this post, she asked me about Toronto and how I felt about it.

I responded somewhere along these lines (although I am adding a lot more as I think of it):

Toronto is a young city, with a small population and its still growing. A lot of the people are mad ignorant because they're not involved, they dont participate, they dont see the work thats put in so they hate. They like to compare us against the states and choose to talk shit about us. How is one supposed to grow without support? How does a baby grow up without a safe environment, a caring mother and a supporting father? How does a flower bloom without sunshine and rain and fertile soils? How the fuck do you expect your city and industry to get anywhere when all you do is sit on your fucking asses and talk shit? What the fuck are you doing to contribute? Who are you to say anything? Dont get me wrong, Im well aware that some of the cities haters are actually people who are in the scene, who are just jealous of other people's successes and achievements.
Maybe its time to stop watching others and start doing something for yourself.
There is still so much disconnect amongst ourselves as a individuals of different races, cultures and religion, never mind 'us' as a whole city. We are still having issues accepting the white person next door, or the Muslim person in class, or the Jewish person at work or the black person at the mall. Toronto is a multicultural and very diverse city, and until we can learn to get along and better understand eachother as people, this city and its industry still has a long way to go.

What boggles my mind is the fact the people who support my blog and many other people in this city the most, is from outside Toronto. OUTSIDE Toronto. In fact most of my blog hits come form the US east coast and Cali. Most of the people who comment on my blog is from the States. Do you see what I mean? Yea, you might say States what, and States whatever...but look at yourselves and your people. Have some pride in the place you call home. If you dont care to make this place better who is? You live here! This is your house. You can shit on it all you want, at the end of the day, you sleep here. Remember that shit.

Everyone tells me, dont mind the haters, dont mind the haters. But why not? Dumb fucks deserve to be recognized too.

So lemme give the haters some promo now.
The other day I found out my homegirl Lissa Monet got her blog hacked, and this is what they posted on the page.


(click on it if you cant see it properly)
I just wanna say, wow. Good job to whoever hacked Lissa's blog. Must have taken you a lot of time to do this. Funny thing is most of us have figured out who it is, we wont say it because it might make them feel too special.
But let me just say it takes a great pair of balls to sit behind your monitor and talk shit. Where Im from...well, where most of us real folks are from, when theres an issue that needs to be addressed, we say it to the person's face. None of this bitch shit.
Waddup homie, Im second on the list, so you must have a real issue with me. Don't get it twisted. Juss cuz I smile a lot, I'm passive and I'm a nice guy don't mean I won't show u wassup. If you don't know, holla at some of the people who know me and check the record. Maybe they can break down for you before I need to.
Y'all know where Im at every weekend, you know where I shoot, you know where I party, holla at me.

Im calling you out on the internet, but you know my face and you know my name. None of this "anonymous" hate shit. Thats wassup.
Straight the fuck up!

Im not phased by haters. You know you're doing something right when people start hating you. But say what you want, just make sure at the end of the day before you go to bed, look in the mirror and think about the life you lead and the things you've accomplished and the change you created today for yourself and the people around you.

The people on the list have nothing but love for this city and do nothing but push for the betterment and progress.
Especially Remix, what the fuck are you beefing with Remix about? For anyone who doesnt know what Remix is, its a government funded and partially private funded youth program that teaches (for free) creative arts, business arts and media arts headed by Gavin, Drex, Amanda, T-Rexxx, Bryan Brock and Pro-Logics and formerly with Bryan Espirtu and Noah aka 40.

If you're real, holla at me. Dont be throwing rocks at me and then hiding behind the bushes. Fuckin frauds.

lol.

Dont even get me wrong, Im not mad.
Hater's have self esteem problems. Its cool. They prolly grew up with no real friends, ate their lunches in the washroom stalls and celebrated bdays with stuffed animals. Its understandable. Id be bitter too.

Haters, I aint mad at you. Do your thing, I mean what else would you do in your life. If this is the only way you'll get attention from the public, thats cool. lol. You're juss giving us something else to laugh about during meetings and hang outs. Good job. If you're goal was to look stupid, lame and pathetic, I assure you, you goals have been achieved.

Holla at me when you see me to get your hero cookie and your scratch and sniff sticker.

:)

ps. I have been receiving random hate comments for myself or others that I blog about, but I refuse to publish them because i dont want to give you anonymous haters the shine you want. I would like to request, actually dare anyone who writes a negative comment to leave their full name and add me to facebook, a link to your picture, leave a phone number...emails dont count cuz I already know you'll create a fraud one. If you're gonna say it, be big enough to show your face. Ill publish your hate comment if you leave contact info. You deserve that at the least for having balls that big.

T-REXXX - IM STILL FLY REMIX

This is the absolute last post for tonight!

Whatever...its either I blog or have another Entourage marathon where I watch 6 episodes in a row...even though Ive already seen them all...fuckin a.

ANYWAYS!

If Ive never formally introduced you guys, this is one of my big brothers and also a mentor to me, T-RexXx aka Jimmy Swagger aka Malcolm RexXx.
Anyone from Toronto knows that Im Still Fly is Toronto's Anthem, and it only makes sense for Mr. 1 Love T.O. to drop his own spin on it!

My personal fave is the second verse.
But straight up, he fuckin kills it!
Shit is fire.

Bom bom!

leave a comment

JUST LETTING YOU KNOW...

Just letting you know Im going to be cutting down with the posts for the next few days...well I 'plan' to cut down anyways.

York University has been on strike for the last week...and Ive been super slack.
Havent done a single damn shit brick of homework.
If the strike ends tonight, that means class is tomorrow...which would fuck me over because I have a presentation...arrgghhh!!!

and if it starts next week Monday, Im still screwed, cuz I have another project to do, which would be fuckin fantastical!

So if you dont hear from me, its because Im trying to be diligent and responsible...If anyhow Im still in university working on my honors degree when my 2nd youngest brother (who is 6 years younger than me) gets into university...Ill fuckin jump in front of a bus!

I have so many papers due...ok...enough with the ramble.

Ill talk to you guys soon...well at least until Im on my study break...which is usually once every 5 minutes...I have A.D.D. so after every written 3 lines or paragraph read, I reward myself with a 20 minute break...efficient right? Id say...Ive got the formula for successs...FUCK YEA!

I need to graduate this year...so...um yea..

the RZA on The Hour

I know a lot of people have already seen these photos on my facebook, but whatever.
Last Spring, Remix took a class trip to the CBC studios to participate in the live recording of the RZA (of the Wu-Tang Clan...I hope everyone I already knew that without me saying that).

These are all the pics I took before I wasnt allowed to anymore. lol

Nas @ Kool Haus

I dont even remember when the hell this concert was. But I was out shooting this for INQMND.ca. These pics never made the web mag cut cuz of the lack of good, clear pics of Nasir...well no one said that to me...I just thought so myself...it aint good enough to go inqmnd, but its good enough for the blog...
Here you go.

Big Ives from Universal Records and Avi Gold

Ayah (singer) and Ty Harper aka the Boogieman (from FLOW)

Q and I

IDEALL CLOTHING: FREE GUCCI MANE TEE FINALLY ONLINE!

Ok, I know I said the shirt was released today...and I know you guys have been searching near and far for this damn shirt...so here it is.

CLICK HERE FOR THE FREE GUCCI MANE TEE

This is the first hour of it being released! Lets see how fast these babies can go! GET IT QUICK.

ps. this shirt was a collaboration between Bryan and Drake.

"After a conversation with Drake, a request was made to design a "Gucci Mane Saved My Life" Tee. We agreed, but not long after he was locked up and the idea soon changed to do a few one off "Free Gucci Mane" Tees.
This is what came of that convo and those turns of events."

- Bryan

LOL

Before you scroll down and look at the picture for this post...

I need you to go to the Legends League and read this post first...


READ IT HERE...




Seriously tho go read it...ull ruin it if you dont




































Dont lie, you didnt read it....


READ IT HERE IF YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO YOURSELF...















ok ok ok



He really wasnt lying about the outfit...he really looks like a soldier...
"I dressed up in costume for Remembrance Day" - Bryan

lmao

DONT BE FOOLED!

Dont be fooled my peoples, you need to be shopping at Goodfoot...not GoodFeet. lol
Seven and Mon found this spot in Sauga and told me about it.

Anyhow, I stopped by "Hoodfoot" today to say waddup to my boy Howie D.
If there's anyone who doesnt know where it is, its located on St. Clair just east of Oakwood...yes...thats why we call it Hoodfoot. We're just a few blocks away from Vaughan and Oakwood and just a major intersection south of Jamaica town/ West Indian Town...

Bom bom!

MAKE NOTE! Howie is actually on the Ideall Clothing Website...looking for what? Well besides everything, he's particularly looking for the FREE GUCCI MANE tee that just got released on the online store and Livestock!!! GET YOURS NOW!!! ARRGGHHH!!!